Monday, October 18

Blogging bracelets

Many times I have sat on the train and thought, could the person sitting next to me, the one who just burped out loud and is vigorously picking their nose have a blog? Could they, while happily examining their excavation results, be wondering whether I have a blog? I think it would be a great idea if bloggers could have some method of identifying each other. Even if we don't strike up conversation, we could nod and acknowledge to each other that yes we are out and about and not sitting in front of our computers. After carefully considering Calvin-type underwear with words on the waistband, I decided instead to go with a bracelet.

First we need to pick a colour. Red is definitely out of the question because of the Kabbalah factor. If you've been living under a rock for the past year, Kabbalah is a branch of Jewish mysticism that has been single-handedly popularised by Esther (the artist formerly known as Madonna) and is now the religion of choice for celebrities with marginal or no talent. Followers of Kabbalah often wear red string bracelets (bendel) to ward off the Evil Eye.

The Kabbalah clique is not to be missed with because when Target started to sell imitation bendel, they soon found themselves under the evil eye. Amidst complaints of crass commercialism and corporate exploitation, Target withdrew these products from sale. That'll show them, real bracelets can only be bought from the source at US$26 and while you're at it why don't you check out the book section which has the English Roses and Mr Peabody's Apples for the special price of US$19.95 each. Hurry, while stocks last.

What about yellow? When it's not a Coldplay song, it's quite tolerable. But wouldn't that be an uncharitable attempt to steal the limelight away from the rubber Livestrong bracelets worn to support cancer research? The bracelets are currently out of stock (causing bottom-feeders on Ebay to resell the US$1 bracelets for over US$10) but several million more have been ordered to cope with the demand. Therefore yellow has joined the Tour de France (and possibly this man on the right) in the stable known as Lance Armstrong's bitches.

I don't mind pink but not only is it already associated with the far more worthy cause of breast cancer awareness, but pink is also a very polarising colour. At one end there are those who subscribe to the Barbara Cartland school of thought and at the other there are those who go into anaphylactic shock when asked to "think pink".

I guess we will just have to go with trusty old black, a colour that never goes out of style and is slimming for the wrist too. Well think again because according to sex-bracelets.com (the URL alone probably makes it not safe for work), black = sexual intercourse. Um, I have been described on the odd occasion as somewhat friendly to strangers but never that friendly.

Every other colour seems to be accounted for in this lewd coding system (I will never look at silver bracelets the same way again), with possible alternate meanings depending on one's locality. Imagine wearing a certain colour bracelet to expect a hug but receiving something very different which can only be described as uncomfortable. Forget about trying to achieve unity on reducing greenhouse gas emissions, we need to agree on the colours of sex bracelets first! The site also advises us to ask wearers in our local area to avoid doubt. Now who would the resident sex bracelet expert in Hong Kong be? Ohhhh suddenly it all makes sense!

Snopes.com is tempted to dismiss the whole thing as urban legend but I'm not taking any chances, especially after reading this cautionary tale by Jennifer in Delaware:
I was at this club that had just opened up and I meant this guy in their named Tykee and he noticed that I had on a bracelet that they called sex bracelets. So any way the one I had on was the clear one. Let you be reminded that I didn't know what these bracelets meant. Tykee came up to me and told me if I am willing to what he want I wanted him to do then lets go in the back and you give me head. I looked at him like excuse me and he then pointed at the bracelet and ripped it off of my wrist. I looked at him and turned the other direction. But later on that night he told me he was sorry and that he thought that I knew what he was talking about. So we got together a couple of times and that following week I ended up giving him head. My advice to you who don't believe in sex bracelets don't wear them because they do come true.

If that wasn't unsettling enough, pro-eating disorder websites are still selling solidarity bracelets - red for anorexia, purple for bulimia and black for self-injury. Any optimism I had left in me wilted away right on the spot.

\o/ This is me throwing up my arms in surrender now that there aren't any more colours to choose from. Suggestions please. Chartreuse? Burnt sienna? Puce?

Spirit Fingers is nominated the Best Asian Newcomer 2004 and Funniest Blog categories of the Asia Blog Awards (voting is only allowed once per day). Vote Spirit Fingers no matter what your favourite colour is.

14 Comments:

At 12:43 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

Hi,
I came across your blog randomly after reading someone else's. I'm also in HK, only for this semester though! You definitely sound like you know alot about HK.

I'm at City U. and your blog is New Territories, so I was wondering where you lived.

Maybe you could give me some suggestions as to what I could do to make my already phenomenal time in HK that much better.

Hope to hear from you soon!

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger j-a said...

ha ha ha... are you sure you want to know what your fellow bloggers look like? (me, for example)

ha ha ha...

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger Henry said...

what ablout a tiger skin bracelet?

 
At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although I am easily recognisable now that I have reposted the picture of me to the web site has I feel I no longer have to hide now that I am no longer trying to work for anyone else, nevertheless I am thinking about flyingchair T-shirts...

 
At 4:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about a sticker on your forehead that says "I'm a blogger."
Hey! It would work!

Or, if you want it to be a little more discreet, you could wear a t-shirt with that text. When the snow comes (it won't be long now), I'm going to carve it mirrored into my soles. "I am a" on one shoe, and "blogger" on the other.

Ole C

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Hmmm you all make compelling suggestions.

 
At 11:13 PM, Blogger Jon said...

hmmm- all bloggers should wear low rise jeans and thongs!! how trashy

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger Joyce said...

Barbara Cartland!!! haha I read her books a lot when I was kid. Cool about those sexual bracelet stuff, I would love to have some. :P

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger JellyGirl said...

Somehow, puce just sounds so much like puke.

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger j-a said...

actually, i have remembered something... there is a company in london that makes t-shirts which have your email address on it. maybe you can make t-shirts with blogsites on it?

 
At 11:14 PM, Blogger Kin said...

Ok...I'd look horrible in hipsters and a thong. It may be the hairy lower back. Meanwhile...in honor of Jim Treacher, I'm voting for Puce. Or maybe teal.

 
At 5:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why don't all you bloggers stick with your pocket protectors.

 
At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol yeah i see that thats a problem.. i wear sex braclets.. but just cause u wear them doesn't mean u have to have sex or anything else with anyone. Also the braclets that are used 4 like cancer or w/e arn't sex braclets! so u don't need to worry

 
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