Making sense of men's fragrance ads

I don't know how you men do it. How do you pick your signature scent? Don't all the fragrance ads make you feel really really inadequate?

Calvin Klein

This is only half of the ad but it's the part that really matters. There seem to be a few words missing - the whole ad should read "OBSSESSION NIGHT for dirty old men". If you really want to get specific it should read "OBSSESSION NIGHT for dirty old men living where water restrictions are so strict you can't even draw enough water in your bathtub to cover your buttocks".

Hugo Boss

With this ad campaign, Hugo Boss has decided to target a hitherto ignored minority demographic - the Rohypnol carrying male.

Bvlgari

Hey you! Yeah you, Hugo Boss guy. Hands off my girl. I've been watching her for months now. There's nobody who can stalk her as well as I do. Nobody. Now back off. I'll be keeping my eye on you. And her too, of course!

Davidoff

Clearly the good life consists of being able to spend lazy afternoons on a gigantic tree branch admiring the results of consuming web-purchased enlargement pills over a sustained period of time.

Lanvin

Come on boy! Good dog! OK boy, go fetch! Fetch the Blackberry! That's a good dog! Now fetch the coffee! Cream and sugar too please! Good doggie! Go boy, fetch my dry cleaning! Atta boy! Come here, boy! Who's the bestest doggie in the world? If you work through your lunch hour, I'll let you leave early today!

Escada

Who knew that in this day and age Africanized killer bees still posed more of a threat to society than avian flu or SARS. Perhaps if he just moved his date's red swollen corpse under the buffet table, subtly covered his face, ditched the offending bouquet and retreated by slow backward steps to the exit, nobody would notice.

Thierry Mugler

Ten Years Ago. The Machines Who Rule The Future Sent An Unstoppable Terminator To Deodorise The Yet Unborn John Connor. They Failed. In 2005. The Machines Will Try Again. The T1000. With New Improved and More Dangly Metal Bits.


Mark your territory with Yohji Homme, the scent of dog pee.

Vera Wang

The past few years have been a rollercoaster ride of unbridled passion for the both of you and today marks a new beginning. Go on, cop one last feel before she goes off and gets married to your best friend. Whatever you do though, don't lose the ring because that's the worst thing that a best man could ever do.