Monday, September 12

You Like, You Buy Vol 32

There is something to be said for living in a place that fulfils practically every material need. Even if you can't find what you're looking for in Hong Kong, just wait for a month or so and they'll import it from Japan. And so it was, I was casually browsing through some body grip cellulite & fat squeezers at my local supermarket (it..it was for research purposes..) when I came across something that would make my mouth young again.



Behold, the wondrous Slim Mouth Piece! It works like a stretch cord to offer resistance training for your mouth. Besides a firm mouth, Slim Mouth Piece also promises facial symmetry and unlike most LA cosmetic surgeons, really delivers!

I felt slightly humbled to know that while my flabby unfit mouth was just sitting there watching tv and eating junk food, one million Japanese were working on their flaccid facial muscles.

Worried that the spring mechanism might cause the flimsy bit of plastic to snap apart during exercise, leaving your lips a twisted, mangled wreck? Read some of the customer testimonials. Few mouthpieces enjoy such positive feedback.


It works so well that I keep one stored inside my mouth so I can use it at any time!
R. Zellweger-Chesney


At last! A completely natural way to stop aging!
V. Beckham


What a great concept. Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to use it because there's nothing flaccid about me. Or Brad for that matter. Or any man who's ever gazed upon me.
A. Jolie


Slim Mouth Piece has enabled me to make a triumphant return to daytime television. That'll show Lisa Rinna. Now, if only I could find something that would stop my breasts from pointing the wrong way.
H. Tylo


I may just be a young lass but I use Slim Mouth Piece regularly because it's important for me to maintain my firm and luscious pout. It's the only thing keeping me from ending up like Winona Ryder. Well, that and a cupboardful of prescription medicine.
K. Knightley



I dare say it's made my lips as fabulous as the rest of my body!
A Lepore.

5 Comments:

At 3:53 AM, Blogger Alex said...

yet again, far too funny. I'm glad I discovered this blog.

 
At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post. Love your edgy writing!

LBYB

 
At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Freak Show!

 
At 9:51 AM, Anonymous Jen said...

That Amanda Lepore person is so, so frightening.

 
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