You Like, You Buy Vol 44
Another promising weekend washed out by the interminable rain. At this rate, I won't have any money left for shopping. Instead I'll have spent it all on tasty treats to accompany a rainy afternoon spent watching insufferably bad movies. Next time you're hosting a movie night, eschew the popcorn for your local Park'n'Shop (www.parknshop.com) or Wellcome (www.wellcomehk.com) supermarkets. Can I interest you in a savoury meat or seafood snack?
Satay Sliced Beef
Recommended watching: It's almost a main course on its own, so you'll need to watch something pretty heavy going like an Oscar-nominated movie that ponders deep questions of love and war with a pungent slice of religion thrown in.
Curry Spring Roll
Recommended watching: Looks great in the packaging and you think that you can go through it in one entire sitting. Think again, because by the first ad break you'll be wondering how to get the smell and stain out your fingers. Best suited for an awards ceremony, royal wedding, Olympics opening/closing ceremony, beauty pageant or reality show finale.
Fish Sausage (Garlic and Chilli)
Recommended watching: Despite the clever use of garlic and chilli to mask the true flavour, your agile tastebuds can still detect fishy undertones. A must-eat accompaniment to any of the CSI spinoffs.
Recommended watching: It would not be unfair to liken pork floss to a chunk of meat that was chewed up, spat out, then air dried to retain maximum salival flavour. But at the same time pork floss is light and fluffy, the adult version of fairy floss. It only makes sense to eat it while watching cartoons that have disturbingly mature themes, ie most Disney movies.
Beef curry cube
Recommended reading: The spicy bite-sized pieces are handy for fast-paced action movies where you can't take your eyes off the screen for even one second otherwise you will miss a plot point or worse still, an important cameo. There should also be plenty of raunchy love scenes so that your tastebuds can practically feel the heat radiating between the two leads.
Dried pork stick
Recommended watching: Stripped down to its bare pork flavour, this dried stick probably has "bland" written in Chinese characters all over it. Appropriate for viewing a dispassionately narrated documentary revolving around the mating habits of slow-moving insects that can't even fly.
Seasoned Roller Cuttlefish
Recommended watching: Its shape and size make it perfect for B-grade horror movies. You can nervously nibble at it and quickly lift it to block the screen when it all becomes too much bear. And you don't have to worry about ole cuttlefish coming back from the abyss and devouring you whole because it's been seasoned and kneaded to death.
Squid ham sausage
Recommended watching: Like any tv show which opens to strong ratings, it starts off with the promise of something interestingly different and eclectic, mixed in with a whole bunch of other mindboggling stuff. But along the way, the flavour quickly becomes old and by the end, it leaves a very unsatisfying aftertaste in your mouth.