Wednesday, January 12

HK Bridal Special: Chapter 2

It has come to my attention that Hong Kong brides are eschewing the veil for alternative headgear. There's no shame in substituting the veil for some fresh flowers in the hair or a decorative hair clip. A tiara's acceptable too if losing the Homecoming Queen title by a couple of votes still hurts after all these years.

But what happens when the bride decides to festoon herself with something more unsightly than orthondotic headgear. Why oh why is it always up to me to set the record straight on these matters. From hereon the following do not qualify as bridal headgear:

Starched table napkins. And I suppose that would be a serviette ring on your finger.

Upright lace doilies. As a general rule, learn to make the distinction between what should go on a table and what should go on your head.

Derby or bowler hats. The last thing you want to called on your wedding day, no matter how affectionately, is The Little Tramp.

Crumpled tissue wrap and random bits of foil. That's just plain rude. All the guests will know that you've already opened the presents and exchanged the unsuitable ones for store credit.

Foliage. It will wilt faster than your bouquet. You'll find yourself having to dash off to the wedding fountain every hour to freshen up.

Lampshade covers. People will notice. And ask questions. Is her drinking problem back again? Will she be dancing on the tabletops later on?

Plumage. Unless you want the whole congregation to know about your Vegas showgirl roots as you high-kick your way down the aisle.

Flecks of an unidentified milky substance. Save it for the wedding night you crazy kids.

Brides to be, there may be times when you feel compelled to take fashion risks for the sake of something so stupid as individuality. Your wedding day is not that time. In fact any occasion where there will be more than 3 people present is not that time.

Blog of the day: Brave our Burbs is nominated as Best Victorian Blog, Best Humourous Australian Blog and Best New Australian Blog in the 2005 Australian Blog Awards.


At 11:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the "foliage" hat reminded me of "cabbage head" from Kids in the Hall.

At 3:16 AM, Blogger Hot Toddy said...

Hey, I found you through BoB Awards and just wanted you to know I'm giving you my vote. This is one of the most creative and clever blogs I've seen in a long time!

At 1:01 PM, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

The designers get a special award for making some lovely women look disgusting.

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Surely you should know by now that HK bridal outfits are designed to cause the husband to want to remove the outfit as soon as possible...

[Leaving aside the question whether the husband is capable of doing the horizontal mambo on the wedding night, the early removal of the bridal outfit reduces wear and tear, which is the intention of the bridal boutiques who rent out the bridal outfits.]


At 5:55 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Hi Hot Toddy, thanks, I voted for you too in the LGBT category as well!
Burnt Karma you are so right about the designers/stylists uglifying these models/brides. My friend who is into froufrou thinks it's all wonderful because it's so "special".

At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could it be that the *odd* headgear is a tricky diversion; so that people don't notice her skeleton figure she has so arduously managed via one slimming pill too many?

Cheers! [Ron, See Lai]

At 1:20 AM, Blogger deanne said...

I love Crumpled Tissue Paper Girls dress -- wow. Talk about frou frou.

And here was me thinking Hong Kong girls were up to speed on fashion!

At 2:24 AM, Blogger j-a said...

i should definitely stick to my plan of wearing a white sweatsuit.

At 3:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I am not understanding is the precarious looking tilt. Are they supposed to look fetchingly drunk? Are their slender necks too delicate to support the hot glue and chicken wire? The Bowler might look OK with cutaway tails, hot pants and fishnets, but one still wonders "why?"

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