Heidi Klum Juggernaut

Belated congratulations to Heidi Klum for getting engaged to Seal, a man of overly long sentences and too many prepositions.

"I proposed on Dec. 23 at 14,000 feet in Whistler, B.C., in uncharted terrain on a glacier, in a natural snow cave, in an igloo built just for the moment," Seal tells PEOPLE magazine.

While she prepares for marital bliss, the Heidi Klum promotional juggernaut continues to steamroll its way across the Forbes Celebrity 100 list. Recognising that there are people out there who want to succeed in life (and not aim for somewhere around the middle the way I usually do), Heidi published a self-help book last year called Heidi Klum's Body of Knowledge.

There are over 400 high quality photographs that can be categorised in 2 categories: with underwear and without underwear. But the book is more than an extended Sports Illustrated calendar, because Heidi has something she wants to say to ordinary folk like us. Here's an excerpt:

See Heidi. See Heidi pose. Heidi is working it. Go, Heidi, go.
Here is Heidi. Here are Heidi's boobs. Here are Heidi's boobs again. And again.

See Heidi run. Heidi running in shoes. BUY Heidi's shoes.

Heidi smells nice. Because Heidi wears perfume. BUY Heidi Klum Perfume. Oh look, shower gel and body lotion too. BUY everything. BUY it all.

Diamonds are pretty. Heidi is pretty. You can be pretty. BUY 18kt white gold and diamond bracelet from The Heidi Klum Collection. Pretty diamonds, pretty Heidi and pretty you.

Heidi eats candies. A lot. But Heidi stays slim. So so slim. BUY Heidi's candies. Bulk discount available.

Turn tv on. I can't see Heidi. Where is she? Heidi's on cable, stupid. Subscribe to BravoTV. Watch Heidi's show.

Help Heidi grow. Help Heidi grow into multimillion dollar empire. "Thanks," says Heidi. Heidi is rich! Thanks, suckers, thanks.