Sunday, July 10

You Like, You Buy Vol 30

In Hong Kong, where the average cup size is equivalent to the size of a common Duracell alkaline battery, there is a thriving industry dedicated to bust enhancement.

Now I've been looking around for something to help get me through bikini season, but it's been a difficult process. We really are spoilt for choice! Do I go for the "Big B" or "Bust Out of Here"? Do I go for pills or creams? The sales assistants are no help because they just baulk when I ask them to rip open their top and show me how good the goods are.

Just when I thought things couldn't get more complicated, the Amique Group had to go and revolutionise things by bringing in B2 Alpha Body Make Gum, the chewing gum for breasts enlargement. The company has also dabbled in other beauty products like the unattractive-sounding Pomhyanggi range but they really hit the mother lode with this miracle gum.



B2 Alpha Body Make Gum is the creation of one Mr Tanaka who is a naturopathic physician as well as a dentist. He seems passionate about Pueraria mirifica and he also goes on at length about the virtues of chewing gum adding that:
it is luscious and convenient.

The product website contains a wealth of information including a treatise on the secrets of bust-enhancement. It begins promisingly with the words "there is bust and there is bust" but promptly spirals into technical jargon which serves to keep me in awe of the advanced scientific methods that are at work here.

But what ultimately sold me were the convincing testimonials. Made by people just like me, who are flat-chested and have trouble expressing themselves when overcome with happiness. Through them I have discovered that the chewing gum boasts a number of extra benefits:

Potential membership of the Fantastic Four
I'm totally surprised now that my breasts have become elastic, only 3 days after taking this. My breasts were not small originally, but my sagging breasts becoming elastic!!!

Defeating the biological time clock
Thank you so much. I'm going to become E-cup before 30-year of age!

Increased bravado
Though I am yet below normal, I have come to have like confidence of trying to challenge everything else.

Eagerness to partake in fashion trends
No my goal is close at hand. I want to enjoy underwear fashion as early as possible!

I've already been ruminating solidly for the past few hours and already I can feel stirrings, or perhaps palpitations, in my chest. By next month, I expect that due to my markedly changed appearance, I will no longer be able to see the keyboard when I blog.

9 Comments:

At 3:01 AM, Blogger Kris said...

Will we now be moving to boob-painting contests? Let's see if Britney does it first.

 
At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Anne Arkham said...

Wouldn't it be fun to trick a guy into chewing it?

 
At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

make a gum to grow bigger penis

 
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At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

STOP FORECLOSURE WITH CALIFORNIALOANRATE.COM


CaliforniaLoanRate.com will work with you to develop a plan that best serves your particular needs. We will then negotiate with your lender to incorporate any changes that are needed to make the plan acceptable both to you and to your lender. Keeping you in your home is advantageous to the lender. Our job is to help them appreciate that advantage.
SHORT SALES MAY SELL YOU SHORT
You may have been told that a short sale is your only course of action.What you may not have been told is that you may be dealing with the consequences of that action for many years.
DEADLINE SENSITIVITY
We understand that you may be facing immediate deadlines and that any delay can mean a loss of meaningful options for relief.
TYPICAL RESTRUCTURING PLANS
Restructuring plans may include:
Adding delinquent payments and any foreclosure fees to the back end of the loan. This may include a permanent reduction in your interest rate.
Forbearance plans may be used to temporarily halt the foreclosure process for up to four years while you make payments to become current with the lender.
GOALS OF NEGOTIATION WITH YOUR LENDER
In our negotiations with your lender we are seeking to lower your payments, lower the interest rate, mitigate any negative impact on your credit rating, and keep your home from going into foreclosure. The lender benefits by continuing to receive payments on the mortgage, and saving on the costs that would be incurred in a foreclosure.
WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU
We will need to document your income and expenses for the last two years. Documentation will include pay stubs, tax returns, bank statements and property tax bills, and all of the paperwork associated with your mortgage. We will need copies of your bills to document your financial situation and the factors that led to your falling behind. Please provide any other letters or notices that demonstrate that you faced a reduction in your income or higher than expected expenses.
TELLING YOUR STORY
We will ask you to prepare a draft letter that explains in your own words what factors have led to your need for a modification from the lender. It is important that you author this letter, and that it is not generic. Please include the details that bring to life the financial difficulties that you have faced. If you feel that you were not properly and fully informed regarding the terms of your loan, please describe the process by which you came to sign the loan papers and what your understanding of the terms of your loan was at that time.

 
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