Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 15
On a recent trip to Sydney, I was confronted with the reality that we live in a world where the waistline has become redundant in several sections of society.
For the senior citizens, there are several things that contribute to their cantankerousness all the time. First and foremost, there is the incontinence, which fortunately is beyond the scope of this blog. Then there is the osteoporosis which causes all that stooping and height shrinkage. Thirdly, there is sagging and the certainty that gravity will not relent until everything has hit the ground.
As a result of these last two factors, trousers of normal length suddenly become longer than usual and the extra length means these same trousers, when hiked up high enough, can reverse the sag to heights only known in the pre-war era. But when faced with a problem, why opt for the least stylish solution? The answer is to alter those trousers to give some semblance of waistage and to invest in support undergarments, even if it means using up most of your pension to do so.
At the other end of the spectrum, there are the teens and tweens, with their penchant for low-rise jeans and micro-minis. It is only inevitable that some skanky substance-abusing minor celebrity would accidentally combine the two styles together and be photographed doing so, thus starting the trend of the low-rise micro-mini. Don't schools teach basic skills anymore, like the correct way of dressing so that one's pubic domain isn't in the public domain?
People, young and old, there is a part of your body approximately midway between the armpits and ankles where lower garments should sit. I implore you to find it and reclaim this "waistline" that I speak of lest I be forced to bitchslap you in the manner of a Japanese girl.