Thursday, November 11

Asia's stress city

Well done, people of Hong Kong, you are officially the stress puppies of Asia according to a survey done by a company that was paid a lot of money to do so. Just walk into any Hong Kong office and you will be assailed by the overpowering tension in the air....and it's not even sexual! This is to be expected because there isn't really any form of proper stress relief in Hong Kong other than shopping, and that method, strange as it may seem, doesn't work for everyone. I remember watching some documentary which claimed that when men were given shopping tasks, their stress levels rose to those experienced by jet fighter pilots. Hah! And to think that they call us the weaker sex.

It doesn't have to be this way, you know. Even the little-known town of Hefei in China has its own cry bar for when you've lost your job, your woman, your bicycle and NiuNiu your pet ox. If only employers could be persuaded to loosen their deathgrip on the purse strings to invest in some of these wonderfully calming activities.

The object of the game is to use your Jedi powers to move the ball across the table into your opponent's area. The more relaxed you are, the more likely you are to score a goal. It's not recommended for hyper-competitive people because all the conflicting signals would probably cause their brains to implode. I can't wait for when they invent Mind-dodgeball where you can channel your calm into hurling a large ball at your boss's head, thus achieving nirvana when you hear that highly satisfying smack.

Conference bike
Next time, instead of holding a conference around a boring table, consider taking it outside on the Conference Bike. Marketed as the most fun on wheels since synchronised office chair swivelling, the Conference Bike is very realistic because it creates the illusion of teamwork when actually only one person (the steerer) is doing all the work. At the same time, whoever controls the steering wheel also holds the most negotiating power. See how everyone caves in to your demands when you threaten to send them plunging off a deep ravine at a top speed of 15km/hr.

Metal Goddess
Belly dancing is especially good for relieving the stress on your lower back from bending over and having your ass kicked around on a daily basis. Heavy metal music is also good for stress relief because all that head banging causes the blood to rush to your head and make you feel blissfully giddy. I am vaguely aware that there are several sub-genres of heavy metal music but come on, how many variations of long unruly hair and primal AAAAAARGGGG!! screams can there possibly be.

By combining heavy metal and belly dancing together, you can shake and bang your worries away. Even just watching the Metal Goddesses perform is already a soothing and uplifting experience. It's like having a personal harem which bites bats' heads off for you instead of peeling grapes.


At 10:41 AM, Blogger j-a said...

i don't know about the bellydancing, but that mindball thing has me quite hooked. maybe i should buy a set.

At 1:55 PM, Blogger Joyce said...

The Cry Bar is cool...wonder if there is any LAUGH Bar :P It's also a way to release stress!!

At 10:54 PM, Blogger Jon said...

It used to be Tokyo, but it doesn't surprise me at all the HK is Asia's most stressful city. Maybe it will be Shanghai in a few years.....aiyah!

At 11:23 AM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Oh yeah and the Thais are the least stressed in Asia, must be all those sensual massages. The mindball set is quite expensive, it costs about US$20,000.


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