Friday, July 1

Celebrity weddings in twenty years from now


WELCOME TO
THE WEDDING CELEBRATION UNITING

Sage Moonblood Stallone AND Rumor Glenn Moore-Willis
on July 1, 2025
at 3 o'clock in the afternoon
The Little White Wedding Chapel
Las Vegas, Nevada

THE WEDDING PARTY

OFFICIATE
The Honorable Kyd Duchovny

PARENTS
Demi Moore-Kutcher and Bruce Willis, parents of the bride
Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flahvin, parents of the groom

MATRON OF HONOR
Tallulah Belle Moore-Willis, favourite sister of the bride

BRIDESMAIDS
Heavenly Haraani Tiger Lily Hutchence-Yates, close friend of the bride
Moxie Crimefighter Jilette, close friend of the bride
Tallulah Pine Le Bon, making up the numbers

BEST MAN
Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp, drinking buddy of the groom

GROOMSMEN
Seargeoh Stallone, brother of the groom
Homer James Jigme Gere, drinking buddy of the groom
Phinnaeus Walter Moder-Roberts, drinking buddy of the groom

FLOWER GIRL
Nebraska Fanning, child actress of the moment

RING BEARER
Qabala Kelso Moore-Kutcher, half brother of the bride

USHERS
Hud Mellencamp, wingman of the groom
Eja Twain Lange, hanger on
Scout LaRue Moore-Willis, less favourite sister of the bride
Sistine Rose Stallone, most attractive sister of the groom

HOST AND HOSTESS
Ireland Basinger Baldwin, publicist of the bride
Laird Vonne Stone, publicist of the groom

CANDLE LIGHTERS
Lark Song Farrow Allen
Harlow Olivia Calliope Arquette
ex-girlfriends of the groom

FIRST READING BY
Pilot Inspektor Lee
Audio Science Clayton
rehab friends of the couple

SECOND READING BY
Aurelius Cy Andrea McPherson-Busson
Satchel Farrow-Allen
ex-boyfriends of the bride


ORGANIST
Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q Hewson
social acquaintance who owes a favour


STRING QUARTET
Denim Cole Braxton Lewis
Jermajesty Jackson
Prince Michael II "Blanket" Jackson
Puma Badu
friends of the couple who are musically inclined

9 Comments:

At 2:19 AM, Blogger Crazy Like A Fox said...

That's just awful. Another reason why celebrities should not be allowed to spawn.

 
At 6:03 AM, Anonymous Karen said...

I'm here all by myself laughing like an idiot. Those names are the WORST! Jermajesty?

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger Sonja said...

Brilliant. Just. Fucking. Brilliant.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger Jon said...

That's some imagination you have...but do you think Ashton and Demi will last?

 
At 11:02 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

I think that their relationship will end once Demi starts to look her real age.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

You are very clever, and obviously have a lot of time on your hands today!
ROFLMAO

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

DIVINE!

Just wondering who their gift registry is with, and who designed the bridal gown?

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Kate said...

That is hilarious. There's not wanting to name your child Jennifer or Michael and then there is just plain insane.

 
At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention the biggest loser homosexual of all. He was a fag who died of AIDS and his name was Jesus Christ,

 

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