Statistics be damned

Now and then I like to check out what's happening on the international trade scene to make sure that Hong Kong is importing enough European footwear in my size. This latest kerfuffle over Chinese textiles flooding the US and European market has got me slightly confused.

Who in good conscience could possibly be buying up these textiles? Sure the labor is cheap and efficient but have you seen the sort of stuff that the sweatshops have been churning out lately?


It is only a small sock but yet it has managed to bewilder this man, a man who is accustomed to only wearing one colour at a time on his feet. Thank god the other one got lost in the dryer otherwise his brain might explode from the sheer activity of it all.


These mannequins are more embarrassed by the jarring optical effect caused by standing together rather than by their smooth parts being on display. Just as well, because as you will soon see, it is nigh impossible trying to find some matching bottoms for these ladies.


Yes, welcome to my workplace. Every once in a while somebody accidentally matches their top with their bottom correctly and we all clap and cheer like they swept Powerball.


Extra special textiles are placed high out of reach of thieving hands. You never know when those badass grannies will zoom past in their hot-rods, you know the kind who will sleep when they're dead.


Once you enter Frump City there is no escape. The mayoress will have blocked off all exits with ill-clad torsos while her mannequin army stands menacingly on guard.


Behold, the shopkeeper's expression of shock tinged with disgust when told by the textile thugs that he must move at least one of these wearable Pantone colour charts a day.

In conclusion, I find it difficult to believe that Chinese textile exports are soaring off the charts. Are we really sure that these textiles are being exported to Europe, and not, say, back in time to America circa 1989-1993?