Lose the Hair

Put your cans of hairspray and your parrot companion away because big hair is on the way out. Vamoosh! I don't expect to see it again until Dallas: The Movie gets off the ground. In fact the pendulum has swung so far the other way that everyone is offloading as much hair possible, dumping it faster than a prom date who won't put out.

Other than cocaine mixed in with diet pills, losing masses of hair is the quickest way to lose weight this season! And all without affecting your social attractiveness. Case in point, Natalie Portman whose volish appearance hasn't hurt her dating prospects a single bit.

From now on, big hair is something that's best left to Phil Spector, porn stars and their handbags:


oh, and disconcerting vases:


But a word of caution for those of you who are famous or planning on becoming famous in the future. There's some kind of unscrupulous human hair trade going on, and its tentacles have spread deep into suburban salons. I'd be careful when getting that back hair or Brazilian wax too. To be on the safe side, whenever you go to one of these places, ask for your removed hair to be put in a doggy bag, to go.

I don't think it's appropriate to speculate on why someone would want to collect celebrity hair clippings, but I'll do it anyway. Perhaps he is desirous of creating a famous beard, one that eclipses the fame of Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz AND Katie Holmes put together.

Which makes me wonder about the street value of a Hong Kong celebrity's hair, someone like the freshly shorn Aaron Kwok. It will fetch a princely sum no doubt, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.