Wednesday, June 8

Pimp My Wrist

Do you know what the time is? Time to upgrade your bland wristwatch into something pimpin'! Well have we got some hot iced goods here today! It's enough to turn you into a rapping gangsta daddy or booty slamming ghetto ho made good, whichever takes your fancy. Excuse me while I get my freak on.

Christian Dior


You can always rely on Dior to overbauble everything. However there was no hope of ever fitting all of it onto the one watch. What they've done is left the watch intact, added a larger working area and hope that the glue holds. At a glance this craft project looks like it's been attacked by flecks of spittle. Rich man's spittle.

Antoine Preziuso


This watch model is called "Pop Art" but trying to find any artistic merit here is like trying to find pleasure in sloughing the dead skin off the soles of my feet. Visually speaking, this watch appears to be suffering from eczema or venereal disease or both.

Chopard


Diamonds on the loose! Inside your watch! The diamonds are there to remind you of the exquisite luxury that defines your lifestyle. The gold is there to remind you of that you are most definitely upper class. The bows are there to remind you that you have not even the slightest modicum of taste whatsoever.

Chopard again

This watch is for the woman whose heart is as hard and cold as the diamonds devouring it. By buying this watch you can buy her heart too. However the rest of her body will cost extra.

Piaget

Somewhere in this wrist cuff lies a watch. It's probably best to ignore people who come up and ask what the time is, because you'll go blind just trying to answer their question.

Maurice Lacroix

Is that the type of watch that mermaids wear so that they can rise to the surface and lure sailors to their deaths in a punctual fashion? As a creature of the land, it's a bit unsettling to be confronted with a starfish humping a timepiece. For one thing, starfish are supposed to be asexual. Unlike mermaids of course and their wanton watery ways. Stupid, sexy mermaids.

8 Comments:

At 9:55 AM, Blogger A.Ball.of.Yarn said...

really enjoyed this. thanks for a great read.;)

 
At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Antoine Preziuso - what a waste of a tourbillon...

LBYB

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger j-a said...

i actually don't mind that starfish one...

wait

no

i take that back.

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger Blandwagon said...

When I consider how many horrible watches you must have looked at to find these unholy examples, I am amazed at your stamina. I would have been curled up under my desk, whimpering, after the first Chopard.

Well done! You're an example to us all.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

It was a pleasure as always to wade through the gaudy depths of luxury brands. My only solace lies in the fact that I will never ever be able to afford these.

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Amelia said...

Where can I get one of those wanton,watery, sexy-without-legs mermaid watches... Sorry, I mean starfish watches...

 
At 12:01 AM, Blogger CrystalLime said...

sorry, am i the odd one here? i actually thought the dior fashion watch was quite nice, not that i can afford it! in any case, i enjoy your research!

 
At 1:55 AM, Blogger enyaj said...

haha.. i love ur blog
its so incredibly funny

 

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