Pimp My Wrist
Do you know what the time is? Time to upgrade your bland wristwatch into something pimpin'! Well have we got some hot iced goods here today! It's enough to turn you into a rapping gangsta daddy or booty slamming ghetto ho made good, whichever takes your fancy. Excuse me while I get my freak on.
Christian Dior
You can always rely on Dior to overbauble everything. However there was no hope of ever fitting all of it onto the one watch. What they've done is left the watch intact, added a larger working area and hope that the glue holds. At a glance this craft project looks like it's been attacked by flecks of spittle. Rich man's spittle.
Antoine Preziuso
This watch model is called "Pop Art" but trying to find any artistic merit here is like trying to find pleasure in sloughing the dead skin off the soles of my feet. Visually speaking, this watch appears to be suffering from eczema or venereal disease or both.
Chopard
Diamonds on the loose! Inside your watch! The diamonds are there to remind you of the exquisite luxury that defines your lifestyle. The gold is there to remind you of that you are most definitely upper class. The bows are there to remind you that you have not even the slightest modicum of taste whatsoever.
Chopard again
This watch is for the woman whose heart is as hard and cold as the diamonds devouring it. By buying this watch you can buy her heart too. However the rest of her body will cost extra.
Piaget
Somewhere in this wrist cuff lies a watch. It's probably best to ignore people who come up and ask what the time is, because you'll go blind just trying to answer their question.
Maurice Lacroix
Is that the type of watch that mermaids wear so that they can rise to the surface and lure sailors to their deaths in a punctual fashion? As a creature of the land, it's a bit unsettling to be confronted with a starfish humping a timepiece. For one thing, starfish are supposed to be asexual. Unlike mermaids of course and their wanton watery ways. Stupid, sexy mermaids.
7 Comments:
really enjoyed this. thanks for a great read.;)
The Antoine Preziuso - what a waste of a tourbillon...
LBYB
i actually don't mind that starfish one...
wait
no
i take that back.
When I consider how many horrible watches you must have looked at to find these unholy examples, I am amazed at your stamina. I would have been curled up under my desk, whimpering, after the first Chopard.
Well done! You're an example to us all.
It was a pleasure as always to wade through the gaudy depths of luxury brands. My only solace lies in the fact that I will never ever be able to afford these.
Where can I get one of those wanton,watery, sexy-without-legs mermaid watches... Sorry, I mean starfish watches...
haha.. i love ur blog
its so incredibly funny
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