Friday, June 3

Get the Look

Wouldn't it be great to look like someone who moves regularly in high-fashion circles instead of the counterfeit street markets? People might start quaking in mixed fear and adulation when you share a lift with them and give them the onceover. Plus, you can berate underlings for using last season's font in their memos. Whether you are male or female, there are some simple low-cost steps you can take to achieve "the look", hairwise at least.

Patrick McDonald

It is easy to resort to discount a stylemaker like Patrick McDonald a foppish peacock. Dandy schmandy. I won't hear a word against this man, this gaily-tinted soulmate to Vogue Italia's Anna Piaggi who isn't too shy to declare:
"I take the time to dress every day."

Do you know what else he also takes the time to do every day (besides apply makeup and tweeze)? He clearly trims, or has somebody trim, his whiskers into face slimming sideburns. Well you too can achieve the same tapered immaculate style with Prolook's Perfect Sideburns.

The simple design and demonstration looks fairly innocuous but it will completely blow your mind to know that this thing is capable of over 100 length and shape combinations. It's a tangram for your jowls.

Prolook can create up to six perfect sideburns in five minutes, meaning two perfect sideburns in...look, you do the bloody math. Just think of all that time saved. It can now be used for being simply fabulous!

Anna Wintour

Like the mighty Samson, a Vogue editor's awesome power comes from her hair:
Anna would stand there with the fringe hanging over her eyes, looking very sort of helpless, a waif-like look, but far from being a waif, and the men would just line up.

With an uncanny foresight, Prolook has also developed a tool for Perfect Bangs. It initially appears to be some sort of arcane orthondontic headgear but after watching the demonstration, you'll see that it works, it really works. The end result is a cute little girl, well on her way to becoming a glowering fashion tyrant.

You might be slightly overwhelmed by your glamourous transformation at first but steady your quivering knees. Be confident in the knowledge that you share the same philosophy as these respected fashion players: Bangs make women look Younger...and Sideburns make men look Bolder.


At 2:14 PM, Blogger j-a said...

bangs also help breakouts on your forehead...which may explain why you look younger (if you have zits, you know)...!

At 11:34 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

I forgot to mention that to look good in bangs, one needs nice eyebrows and a nice nose. Otherwise, the consequences are dire!


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