Wednesday, June 29

Protein-rich alternatives

Now that Hong Kong Disney is no longer serving shark's fin soup at weddings, it's time! Time for the people of Hong Kong to re-evaluate their archaic eating habits. Here are some protein-rich alternatives that will make your wedding guests momentarily forget the stigma of not having shark's fin soup on the reception menu.

The Japanese have been eating it since one washed up on a beach on a bed of rice. Therefore whale consumption is kawaii! But it seems that the numbers of whale-eaters are slowly declining, with many preferring to wrap their tastebuds around the disturbing manmade flavours of weird Japanese candy.

What to do? There's all this cetacean goodness to be hunted down, fried in batter and eaten but the callow youths of Japan are not that interested anymore. This is where Hong Kong can come in and fill the demand void. One whale has the potential capacity to feed BOTH the bride's and groom's sides (and that's just the blubber alone). Partake in the birth of a new culinary heritage!

Horse racing is already such an integral part of Hong Kong life so why not add horse eating to the mix? There have been reports that the heat of a Hong Kong summer could easily kill a grown horse. I can't believe it, we are so well-positioned to become equine eaters that even our climate is a willing accomplice to this endeavour. Remember, a horse is a horse, main course, main course!

Are you looking to try something different, and I don't mean the mystery meat that is served in airline meals? Are you the sort of dinner companion, who when handed the menu, snaps it shut loudly and commands the waiter to surprise you? Is there any part of any animal that has not yet passed through your digestive tract?

Before we get sidetracked further by this irrelevant line of questioning, sink your teeth into some Hufu, the human flesh alternative in tofu form. As faux fur and faux leather are now socially acceptable, it is only logical that faux cannibalism joins their ranks. The very informative Hufu website also revealed a few hard-hitting home truths:

If you've never had human flesh before, think of the taste and texture of beef, except a little sweeter in taste and a little softer in texture. Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken.

Given China's long obssession with tofu, and Buddhist-style restaurants' long obssessions with fake meat dishes, I can see Hufu really taking off in this part of the world. Ferment it in the juices of rotting sweatswocks and it will be a sure hit. If anything it gives one the opportunity to holler out "Hufu is fake people!" at the dining table.


At 10:02 AM, Blogger Glitzy said...

I love your blog. You are so witty. I've been reading your past entries and getting a great kick out of the fashion roadkill bits. I also loved the Clint Eastwood Oscar photo trek.

At 10:21 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Why thank you glitzy. Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE on this blog!


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