You will be greeted warmly upon arrival

Random messages that might appear on the e-message board at Hong Kong airport

Dear John
We have finally met each other. You are so screwed.
Get out here now, your wife and your mistress

Message for Tim the backpacker:
See you in arrival hall A. I brought a suitcase full of money and laxatives. Hope the bag of coke inside your stomach didn't burst.

Dearest Horace
Sorry I won't be able to pick you up. Have taken the kids and run off with my tennis instructor. Divorce papers will be served in arrival hall B.
No hard feelings, Wilhelmina

Dear visitor
Welcome to Hong Kong. Copy watch? Copy handbag? Copy DVDs? Custom tailor suit? For you special price!

To my darling Susan:
Marry me now! (I'm serious, they're about to deport me if you don't).
Your boyfriend Tommy who loves you so much he overstayed on his tourist visa

Message for Mr Jones of Global Corp:
Your super stretch hotel limousine has been arranged and charged to your company account. However the trio of Slovenian hookers you ordered will only take cash.

Dear Cathy
Have you been taking care of yourself? You look so thin! Are you sure you have been eating properly? Put on a coat or you'll catch a cold! Are you wearing a pair of clean undies? When are you going to settle down and get married! Oh I know a nice young man you should meet!
Love, Mum

Hi FoxyGal16
So excited to finally see u in person! Hope you are as hot as the half-naked picture you emailed me :) I'll be in arrival hall B touching myself under a grimy trenchcoat and looking closer to 40 instead of 18 like I said on Myspace.