Monday, May 22

You don't need to understand the lyrics

This week's Fashion Roadkill has been pre-empted by something monumentally more terrifying. The musical and fashion cornucopia that is Eurovision exploded all over Athens during the weekend, leaving everyone's senses reeling. History was made in the Olympic Stadium as for the very first time, the winner's title fell....not, Macedonia, not even Moldova but to Mordor!!

Through the very loose criteria prescribed by the European Broadcasting Union, the Uruk-Hai managed to qualify and bludgeoned their way to victory with a headbanging religio-rock anthem about the "Arockalypse" and the day of "Rockoning". They've got horns, they've got fangs but they really just want to save you from an eternity of pop damnation!

No amount of bumping and grinding by the Moldovans could sway the judges, nor could the lyrics I'll give you my choco, do you want it or not?. Free choco on a night other than Halloween should always be looked upon with suspicion.

Macedonia's Elena Risteska tried to raise the sex quotient well, much to the dismay of one of her dancers. He is seen here being forced to simulate a most unnatural act, earning himself a nasty case of denim burn as he chafes his sensitive areas against the back of Elena's short shorts.

Even as the camera zoomed up to get a bird's eye view of Croatia's womanly canal, it was clear that no baby would be born tonight.

Iceland knew that if it didn't work out, she could still keep the headdress, lose the underwear and find viable employment on many stages.

Although the Turkish star is a powerful Islamic symbol, the troupe found that it was better used to transform themselves into sexy sheriffs who engaged in fierce but graceful dance duels.

Belarus didn't figure too prominently throughout the competition and with good reason. What a complete mess! This is what happens when you get one of those unlicensed "operate from home, over the kitchen sink" hairdressers to do your hair and sew the sleeves on your costume.

I can't wait until Asiavision hits our shores. Or maybe it already has and it just passed me by because I'm too busy writing indignant letters to broadcasting authorities trying to make it happen. I don't know if Hong Kong is musically up there with the rest of the continent but I think we can pull off camp quite respectably.

Another blog to visit: Cool Stones - Looking, playing and designing with beautiful gemstones has cured me of my insatiable jewelry collecting habit. I no longer feel the need to own and hoard jewelry. I now hoard gemstones! There's no stopping me when I see something I know the's mine no matter what.


At 11:22 AM, Blogger Chief-Ten-Bears said...

That is one honkin' huge hook-and-eye closure on Ms. Belarus' hot pants.

At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm loving this:


At 9:13 AM, Blogger moongjee said...

There is no doubt that evil exists in the Balkans. Hilarious blog! Hope you don't mind if I linked you on my fashion blog.


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