Disrupting a delicate balance
I don't care how pissed off you are about it. You're coming home with me and that's the end of the matter! I will call you Princess Jelly-Froufrou Twatface.
Why must we always strive to upset the delicate balance that exists between the two species? You so know that they still haven't forgiven us for stuffonmycat.com. Yet we insist on producing more and more gadgets in order to make our feline pets more like the humans they so despise.
As described on all the tech blogs, Citikitty is a revolutionary toilet training seat. But as troublesome as changing kitty litter sounds, I don't know if I could deal with pawprints all over the toilet bowl. Once your cat has accomplished the difficult task of aiming properly into the toilet bowl (something which some men have yet to achieve), you'll feel compelled to teach it to flush, wash its paws, and check it outself in the bathroom mirror.
Pretty soon they'll be taking in the newspaper to read and spending hours in there with the door locked. If they're not releasing their bowels, they'll be crouched over the lid retching up furballs. I would think the plumbing bills would come out to be considerably more than the cost of fresh kitty litter.
This Japanese device analyses the meow patterns and body language of your cat and attempts to provide meaningful translations. I for one don't envy the ability to talk to the animals. Modern life is already such a sensory overload without having to deal with a longwinded tabby yakking on about what it dug up in the neighbour's backyard.
Fortunately there are no plans to produce an English version of Meowlingual. Can you imagine the most popular phrases would be:
Leave me alone.
Get off your ass and make me some food.
I crapped in your cornflakes this morning and I would not hesitate to do it again.
Come now, that all doesn't sound so bad, you say. At least we're not zipping up our cats from neck to crotch in costumes resembling rejected Village People characters and taking photos of them in human situations. Yeah well, you obviously haven't met a Namen nayo cat.