Thursday, October 13

Disrupting a delicate balance

I don't care how pissed off you are about it. You're coming home with me and that's the end of the matter! I will call you Princess Jelly-Froufrou Twatface.

Why must we always strive to upset the delicate balance that exists between the two species? You so know that they still haven't forgiven us for Yet we insist on producing more and more gadgets in order to make our feline pets more like the humans they so despise.

As described on all the tech blogs, Citikitty is a revolutionary toilet training seat. But as troublesome as changing kitty litter sounds, I don't know if I could deal with pawprints all over the toilet bowl. Once your cat has accomplished the difficult task of aiming properly into the toilet bowl (something which some men have yet to achieve), you'll feel compelled to teach it to flush, wash its paws, and check it outself in the bathroom mirror.

Pretty soon they'll be taking in the newspaper to read and spending hours in there with the door locked. If they're not releasing their bowels, they'll be crouched over the lid retching up furballs. I would think the plumbing bills would come out to be considerably more than the cost of fresh kitty litter.

This Japanese device analyses the meow patterns and body language of your cat and attempts to provide meaningful translations. I for one don't envy the ability to talk to the animals. Modern life is already such a sensory overload without having to deal with a longwinded tabby yakking on about what it dug up in the neighbour's backyard.

Fortunately there are no plans to produce an English version of Meowlingual. Can you imagine the most popular phrases would be:
Leave me alone.
Get off your ass and make me some food.
You suck.
I crapped in your cornflakes this morning and I would not hesitate to do it again.

Come now, that all doesn't sound so bad, you say. At least we're not zipping up our cats from neck to crotch in costumes resembling rejected Village People characters and taking photos of them in human situations. Yeah well, you obviously haven't met a Namen nayo cat.


At 11:09 AM, Blogger scout said...


please tell me the last website is a joke. despite all the links to "the untold story behind the 'namennayo' cats", "when and how successful they were", "how are the photographs taken"....

At 5:24 AM, Blogger Chick With A Gun said...

Ok, I don't know what it was about it, but when I read the caption under the first pic, I just rolled laughing and could not stop. I laughed so much at the name you gave it that I cried. I had to reassert composure before continuing.

Thanks for the good laugh...I needed it today!

At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg that pic of that cat is sooo have to check this out..poor cat.


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