Thursday, November 3

Like a Bai Ling

Gosh, I'm so excited. It's all coming together beautifully.

The mascot is going to be unveiled later this month. There will be a unified team from North and South Korea. The traditional sport of wushu will be included as an exhibit sport although the Chinese media seems to favour the non-traditional sport of mudwrestling. Zhang Yimou is on board to direct the opening ceremony, a good choice because he is the man to go to when you have loads of colourful fabric but don't know what to do with it.

At this early stage, it's shaping up to be a pretty good Games. But many of us are counting on it to be the best games EVER. Even better than Athens. Even better than Sydney. Even better than Athens + Sydney + the one where the guy shot the arrow into the thing to light the fire. That's where Bai Ling comes in.

What could she contribute to the opening ceremony, you ask? There seems little scope for a 5-minute segment where she stands around dressed inappropriately while blithely posing for pictures. While she has scored many bit parts in movies, I used to think her talents were limited to showing off body parts in men's magazines, body parts that we were all already too familiar with. Then I heard her sing "Like a Virgin (Owwwww)" and I knew that this was an opportunity the Beijing Olympic Committee couldn't pass up.

Has anyone in China even seen this yet? Can we get special permission to crack open the Great Firewall for this one site? After all, Bai Ling did start off as an entertainer for the People's Liberation Army, before she was kicked out for using tobacco and alchol.

There's also the small matter of her Chinese passport being revoked because of her acting choices. Come on now, she was young and naive. Everyone makes mistakes when they're starting out in Hollywood. How was she to know that Richard Gere wasn't as big of a box office draw as he was in the 1980s? Let her back in so she can wow the masses in 2008 with a stirring national anthem/Madonna's greatest hits medley. As a gesture of international goodwill, she'll even remove her skirt on stage.

Another blog to visit: Altar Bound - Follow us on our adventures down the aisle!


At 8:46 AM, Anonymous jeff said...

Is she like, the Chinese Paris Hilton?

At 5:38 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

I think she is less reprehensible than Paris Hilton, and crazier. She's more like the Chinese Courtney Peldon.

At 7:15 AM, Anonymous jeff said...

Bai Ling marrying Paris' ex?

At 11:03 AM, Blogger Chief-Ten-Bears said...

When I want to put my claim on an item, licking it in plain view of everyone does the trick.

At 12:02 AM, Blogger the addict said...

love your blog. I found it through Domesticity (love Stella...she has featured my blog a couple of times and for that I owe her dearly).

Bai Ling is frightening. I have a Silly Celebrity Makeup of the Week feature over on my blog and it was a real toss up this week, between Bai Ling and Paris Hilton. I had to go with Paris, though.

I'll definitely have to add a link to you! Stop by Beauty Addict sometime.


At 9:33 PM, Blogger sway said...

what. is. that. sticking out from under that red top? they look like....udders.

At 2:05 PM, Anonymous A Chengdugal said...

Bai Ling is not the same as Paris Helton. Paris is in her twentys and Bai Ling is a 44-year old middle aged woman. Most Chinese do not like to look at her in the way she wears.

She was born in October 1961 in Chengdu China (not 1970 as her bio shrinks her age by 9), according to her 75-year old father who still lives in Chengdu China. She is allowed to go back to China and made a movie in Hong Kong recently.

In the 80s, she appeared in a few Chinese movies. She used to dress up in a regular cloth and really looked beautiful. Now she looks like a hooker.

At 10:35 AM, Blogger Sophie said...

She's weird, very much like an nutcracker. And she's stupid too.

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