Precocious fashion victims
From what we've seen in recent weeks, we can safely assume that 2006 will be the year of the child. More specifically the genetically-linked and well-pampered child. This year the vast majority of us will spend our time birthing/video taping the birthing of children and from thereon pandering to their every needs. Most importantly, we will be consumed by the task of clothing them, thus laying the foundations for their fashion mistakes in adulthood.
Unfortunately a lot of children in this part of the world don't have access to high quality international brands. Even in the best counterfeit markets, a concerned parent would be hard pressed to find koala ear muffs and trendy designs in pretty pastel colours.
Rather the whippersnappers of China are often forced to dress like eccentric geriatrics in fur coats or the little dogs belonging to those geriatrics. Either way they will lose a little bit of respect from strangers on the street.
Some just have to improvise with junk found about the house like animal skin car seat covers or furry handcuffs. As a result they will look somewhat hip but not ridiculously hip enough for the most exclusive underage nightclubs. I mean, you've got to wait until you're at least eight to pull off a bare midriff.
The worst off are the ones who are allowed to run unchecked in the wilderness. There the little savages go on a violent rampage, laying waste to toadstool patches in order to satisfy their headgear needs. Whether or not they care to admit it, the feral boys always end up looking dorkier.
But if you think winter is especially harsh on our youngsters, wait until the weather warms up.
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