Tuesday, March 7

Nice body, pity about the face

Right now Anna Piaggi and I are sharing the same level of displeasure at Paris Fashion Week. Dutifully we both sat through show after show only to be greeted with an unceasing parade of ghastliness. The clothes, as one has come to expect were hideous. But this time round the models themselves were even more hideous, making it extremely difficult for us to feel genetically inferior and therefore thoroughly ruining the whole Fashion Week experience for many of us.

What kind of two-bit talentless booking agents were working these shows? How can hard can it be just to flip through the books and just pick a gangly Balkan teenager who looks like they've just been plucked from a life of street urchinery? The designers and their crew tried to make do with what little they had but even their most sophisticated tricks couldn't fool me.

Not even the most talented cosmetic artists could help the poor girl. After spending hours in expensive makeup, she still didn't scrub up well!

I knew something (but not exactly what) was up when Vivienne Westwood trotted out the old "put a bag over her head" routine. I imagine that the problem must lie with her nose and/or mouth because her eyes look perfectly normal to me.

This model's head was so shrunken and deformed that she couldn't even fit the hat they gave her.

Despite the flimsy attempts to cover up the model's abnormalities, it became painfully obvious, even to those in the back rows, that she was ready for velveting.

Some models were sent out with a bevy of gamefowl attached to their faces in the hope that the mad fluttering that ensued would somehow distract from their less than acceptable looks.

Unfortunately for Viktor & Rolf, all of their girls had been beaten with the ugly stick before their hair was immaculately blown and styled. Fortunately for Viktor & Rolf, they were also in possession of discarded props from many James Bond movies, including the one where Madonna appeared as a lesbian fencing instructor for all of 2 minutes.

Another blog to visit: ShoeSense - Faut-il souffrir pour être belle?


At 2:41 AM, Blogger Cristina Hanganu-Bresch said...

You crack me up!

But seriously: Perhaps they were merely giving us suggestions of what to do with our own ugly, inadequate faces...

At 3:16 PM, Blogger Erika said...

I guess next time they'll suggest what we should do with our fat arses.


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