Die wallets die

One day I am going to stop buying wallets and be done with them. They just don't work. Take today, for example, when I was at supermarket stocking up on non-perishable high quality packaged products as one does. When it came time to pay, I had to dig around in my wallet to find the money. My wallet made no effort to tell me how much money there was in it, or whether I could afford all that imported champignon jelly.

In return, the cashier dumped upon me a handful of dollars and coins, an awfully long receipt and those baffling little stamps (I have no idea what these stamps can be exchanged for but I always accept them because I support the war effort). There was no room to move, no time to sort everything into the little leather compartments. The cashier was frantically moving me on to meet her efficiency targets, while I could feel against my neck the hot anxious breath of a customer with 10 items exactly, which in a less retail setting could have been almost sensual.

Not being able to work cohesively with my wallet is the type of thing that can lead me to a very public meltdown. I very nearly threw the whole thing at the cashier screaming "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!? I NEED TIME! TIME TO SORT THINGS OUT!" I don't need to deal with this..this stress on a daily basis. I don't need to spend time sorting.

Owning a wallet encourages bad habits like accumulation of irrelevant business cards (eg Chan Yick Pun Father and Sons Medicine Hall) and sepia-tinged baby/pet photos. Wallets lead us to think that we need to carry around cash when a credit card will do. These days, some things are better purchased online anyway with a credit card. Worst of all, each designer wallet represents that extra bit of monogram that the world could do without.

Have you also experienced feelings of disillusionment with your wallet? You may have even toyed with the idea of having The Jimi if only for its sexy iPoddy-style colours. It's attractive, slim and compact, the Kylie Minogue of wallets really. You can even hang it around your neck if you don't mind wearing a miniature chopping board.

Right now I'm quite enamoured with Archport's Stealth Wallet. Who knew that shoes can store more than just illegal explosives. It's an ingenious design that will outwit those bumbling KAOS agents. I can't wait for Archport to develop its line of womens shoes. When that happens, the death knell for wallets will sound loud and clear.