Wednesday, December 14

It's the thought that counts

Hi guys, I'm guessing from the sheer panic in your eyes that you need my help again. Ladies, please stop reading now unless you want to ruin your Xmas surprise. OK guys, Christmas is make or break time. It's your last chance to redeem yourself for the past year of missing important dates, not getting along with her parents and getting along too well with her best friend by buying the most panty-melting gift ever. The key is carefully planned spontaneity. Don't be afraid to be adventurous. Don't be afraid to be quirky. Don't be afraid to be intimate.

There might be some things she wants to change about herself. There might be some things that YOU want to change about her. Well actions speak louder than words so why not go ahead and schedule her on a Cosmetic Vacation! There is no better place than Brazil - after all they are the WORLD LEADER in buttock surgery. While she's recuperating in the hotel you can tour Rio de Janeiro on your own and check out the genetically perfect babes. I guarantee you'll see neither post-op scars nor bikini tops on those pristine beaches.

If you both can't afford to go away this Christmas, then spend it all on making her feel like she's on holiday. Charmaine Louise ( specialises in the type of crochet couture that lays rest to all your resortwear questions. A trendy capelet for the stiff breeze, a string bikini to turn up the heat! She might even be able to do a couple of strokes before sinking to the bottom of the heated pool.

Bonuses weren't big this year. While you were slaving away in the world of office serfdom, old Ebenezer Scrooge was busy counting how many gold coins it would take to buy his mistress new breasts. Well to make sure you get value for money, you'd better get her something that she'll use regularly. Like, every month for instance. DivaCup is a reusable silicone alternative to tampons that holds about as much as a plastic medicine cup. Just don't mistake the two and you'll be fine. It even comes in two sizes, so leave the tampons where they belong (on Christmas trees) and let's just stop there shall we before I make the mistake of surrendering to a really awful pun like "let it flow!".

Blog to vote for: Shaky Kaiser is nominated as Best Asian blog in The Weblog Awards.


At 6:51 AM, Blogger Very_Vera said...

Hey thanks for the clothing link - my friend wore one to her daughter's christening and I loved it. Now I know where to get it.

At 11:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That c---cup is terrifying!


At 1:53 PM, Blogger CrankyBiscuit said...

All that crochet outfit needs is a pair of Uggs.

At 9:34 PM, Blogger Leah said...

ROTFL! I swear I love your blog....
Keep it up.

At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Charmaine Louise info...I went to the site and the clothes are sexy! My boyfriend loves my new bikini!!!

At 2:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey I have to tell you I ordered the cashmere kimono it is AMAZING! It's like a maxi coat! Great to carry me over in the beginning of spring to wear over my flirty dresses!


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