Tuesday, September 14

Disadvantage Serena

The last time Serena Williams won a Grand Slam tournament title was when those wretched peasant blouses were in fashion. That's quite a while ago. Maybe her game would improve if she spent less time on her tennis outfits, whether it's a skirt made of giant post-it notes or recreating the look of rump-shaking extra in a gangsta rap video.

How could Serena concentrate on winning the US Open when all she could think about was sitting at the front row of every collection shown at New York Fashion Week and having her picture taken with Vogue editor in chief Anna Wintour (even if somebody did have to force Anna's arms into a mangled twisted mess to make her do it).

Despite her fashion aspirations, the people at People recently put Serena on their worst-dressed list. Could it be because of her insistence on wearing dresses that are even shorter than tennis skirts? Or her attempt to dress up like a naughty schoolgirl which made everyone else on the red carpet automatically hand over their lunch money in fear? Or the kitten which she strangled with her bare hands and ordered the good folk at Gucci to hastily fashion into a purse?

Her sister Venus tends to be dress better, but one time she went out wearing nothing else but a brightly coloured apron. Venus is also studying fashion design and she recently designed a cap for McDonald's employees. For all the press coverage it got, nobody bothered to ask the most important question - how the hell is anyone expected to flip burgers and sizzle fries properly while wearing an oversized cap that covers one eye?

The Williams sisters' fashion ambitions must be part of their planning beyond their tennis careers. Well I have a suggestion. Together with Beyonce, they share a misplaced love for shiny tight satin and it's about time that Destiny's Child regrouped and made another change to their lineup. Serena has also expressed interest in appearing in a Hollywood movie if the right role came along. Clearly that role would be as the racket-wielding, bone-crushing niece of Auntie Entity in Mad Max 4: Offensive Volley.


At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Without wishing to be offensive, the Williams brothers are just butt-ugly and should not be thinking about getting in front of any cameras except when they are on a tennis court. Even then, I have my doubts.

Why they think they look good in anything, let alone these dreadful outfits, or why they think anyone would want to look to them for fashion nous, baffles me.


At 1:52 PM, Blogger j-a said...

i didn't know the williams sisters had such fashion-related ambitions. some times i feel that i should read less to spare myself of such painful information.

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