Wednesday, November 17

Aye carumba!

UPDATE: The price tag is fast becoming a fashion accessory phenomena at the lower echelons of Hollywood. Are we at the cutting edge of fashion or what?

Buenos dias mis amigos. It has recently come to my attention that there is a Mexican Business Association in Hong Kong (MEXBA). And why not, even with mainland China at our doorstep, it never hurts to have trade partners who can provide us spectacularrr fireworks.

According to MEXBA, November is Latin America in Hong Kong month. As many of us may never get the chance to visit the one part of the world where every female looks stunning in a bikini, try to immerse yourself in some Latin American culture this month. By that I don't mean going to watch Shall We Dance just because it stars a famous Latino.

MEXBA's site doesn't seem to contain much information about Latin-American style so here are style tips for fiesta fashion:
1. When you're the shortest guy in your group of friends, you need a little something special to attract the ladies, that goes beyond the customary pink suit and mini tie. That something is a crispy helmet made from the largest tortilla one can find, complete with a little hole which acts as a window to a demented little man's soul.

2. It's not advisable to remove any implants during a celebration month as the breasts need time to recover from the initial deflation.

3. If it didn't work for fluent Spanish-speaking (and therefore understood widely in Lastin America) Gwyneth Paltrow, it's most probably not going to work for you.

4. When you pay for a full dress, you should expect just that. Not a quarter of a dress.

5. The look popularised by Quetzalcoatl, rainbow feathered serpent deity of the ancient Aztecs is a guaranteed crowd pleaser.

6. These suits look like they could liven up a dull gathering by providing the backdrop for party games such as Pin the Tail on the Dead Pixel.

7. Invest in the best quality leather bustier that money can buy, one that stops you wreaking havoc with your nipples of mass destruction.

8. To avoid embarrassing situations, it's best to let others know upfront, through your clothing, which of the vices that are drugs, sex and rock&roll you disapprove of (if any).

9. A one-button black blazer can dress up the most casual of outfits. As a result I can barely notice the man capris (manpris) and bright yellow canvas shoes, especially if I stand on the other side of the world.

10. Remember when you let the mad scientist do brain surgery on you but he tampered with the part of your brain that controls the fashion sense, then used a strand of your hair to stitch your forehead up, and surgical complications left some of your fingers perpetually splayed. In hindsight, not such a good idea.

11. Lace is perhaps the most elegant of fabrics but when worn correctly, can be racier than the tv mini-series of the same name, the one that spawned the immortal line "Which one of you b*tches is my mother?"

12. Not all shorts are designed with underwear in mind, so if you don't mind the chaffing, feel free to wear it on the outside. Put it together with an ingeniously designed top which by virtue of its giant V shape calls attention to the breasts and points to the vagina at the same time, one fashionable friend and you are ready for a girls night out on the town.


At 5:07 AM, Blogger Crystal said...

Very very clever stuff! You definitely entertain your reader!

At 7:57 AM, Blogger Desci said...

love the quater dress. Bitch looks like she's wearing a deflated disco ball, draped around her spray-tan frame.

At 8:55 AM, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

The price tag thing - Maybe Marcia Cross is counting her pennies - keeping the tags on so she can take the clothes back to the shop next week. Just hope the boutique staff don't read your blog.


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