Tuesday, March 15

Just Out Shoes

I must admit that I let my home relapse into a slovenly dump during the time that Martha Stewart was in jail. There just wasn't anyone around who could make me feel ashamed about wallowing around in my own squalor. But with all the fanfare over Martha's release, I felt compelled to do a bit of dusting and fluffing of pillows.

It's great to see Martha back in action doing what she's does best, inspiring home decoration as well as fashion trends. There is an uplifting moment in the Shawshank Redemption where the main character stands in the rain after crawling his way to freedom through several hundred yards of crap. Martha had a similar moment when she stood smiling for the cameras in her handmade poncho before boarding her private jet.

There are several sites already offering copycat patterns but this site is offering to donate 10% of profits to the prisoner who made the original poncho. I don't know how that would work in practice. Perhaps the funds are wired to a special account which is held in trust for the prisoner. Perhaps Martha herself is the trustee. Perhaps the trustee has wide powers to invest the trust funds, in things like biotechnology shares.

However it's a basic tenet of style that ponchos and electronic ankle bracelets, both ungainly in their own ways, were not born to mix (like how me and people of a higher social standing were not born to mix). To solve this distasteful matter, Just Out brand of shoes boasts "the only line of shoes made especially for women looking to conceal their unsightly house arrest bracelets". The stunning (yes, I was stunned for several seconds) range is here and makes liberal use of the powerful concealing effects of crochet:

High-heeled party slides


Office pumps


Something part boot part moccasin that I spent too much time speculating about it


This trend is poised to take off even faster and higher than the grey-white poncho, and possibly come crashing to the ground in flames in an even more spectacular manner. People are already rushing out to buy ankle bracelets, or demanding to be put under house arrest to give their entire look more authenticity. Yes it's true what they say about the struggle to reintegrate into the society after a lengthy rehabilitation process. The hardest thing is trying to remember what can and can't be worn out of the house.

6 Comments:

At 9:46 AM, Blogger cicelyfairfield said...

i will not be able to sleep at night until i figure out the mechanics of that moccasin/boot. are there cut outs involved? what the hell? and in my sleepless state i will be haunted by the spectre of stevie nicks designing footwear. seriously, has she been arrested recently? why did we not hear about it? is she cooperating with this company or are they trading on her boho-hippie chic image and gambling that anyone who still dresses like her has been arrested a couple of times for drunk driving or selling weed to her grandkid's friends.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Jon said...

Ah, Martha Stewart. She lives in a gigantic house near my mom in Westchester County, and affluent suburb of NYC. Everyone hates her too- she's the coldest bitch ever, but despite her icy demeanor, I don't think she should have gone to jail. There are plenty of insider traders who are much worse. I wonder if Martha is all tough now- like, did she get any prison tattoos? did she get roughed up in the shower by a large inmate named Big Bertha? Did she hide ciagarettes in her vagina?

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Uli said...

Those are just classic. And sadly, I can see non-bracelet wearing fashion train wrecks picking up on the poncho-round-the-knees "trend"...

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Uli said...

Those are just classic. And sadly, I can see non-bracelet wearing fashion train wrecks picking up on the poncho-round-the-knees "trend"...

 
At 4:22 AM, Blogger Roba said...

Hahaha that's soo funny!

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger Feng Guo said...

Good idea. I am afraid will fall when walking.
Hong Xiaowan

Add:Taidong Taizhou Jiangsu China
Zip:225300
Tel:+86-523-2092801
Fax:+86-523-2092802
Web:http://www.hongxiaowan.com

 

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