Essential Party Items: Part 2

Continuing yesterday's post about party essentials, I'm not going to blather about the importance of party beverages to you. It's because you lot seem to be a discerning bunch who aim to get sloshed beyond redemption at every available opportunity. However one comment I'm going to make is that if you're planning to inhale something at the party it better be a damn sight more exciting than just alcohol without liquid.

Lighting
While not as critical as food, the right sort of lighting can really get a party going. I would say that LED lighting is the way of the future, if it wasn't for the fact that it was invented back in the 1960s. It's pretty, mesmerising and in large numbers potentally seizure-inducing. As the host, the onus is on you to let your guests know that this party is pumpin'. LED around the waist, LED around the ass. That's what I'm getting at.

Entertainment
This area is a difficult one to consider. There aren't too many viable alternatives which is why a lot of people always revert to karaoke or playing mahjong. A theremin
virtuoso? A crockery-bending illusionist? These things are more often miss than hit. Celebrity impersonators? Who wants to see normal people acting like celebrities anyway? People want to see celebrities acting like normal people. Or better still like abnormal people.

In reality it's the little things, or the little people even, that make the biggest difference. If Snow White didn't know all those dwarves she wouldn't have had such a time in the woods. Midgets are small in size but big on entertainment value. You can dress them in a white suit and have them come running out to greet guests "What is de fantasee, boss?". You can even rest your drinks on them. So for your next party you should seriously consider renting a midget:
Think about the best party you've ever been to, wouldn't it have been better if there was a midget there?

Because if you don't, I most certainly will, even if you didn't invite me. People would rather turn away a baby left on their doorstep than a gatecrasher with their own midget.