Tuesday, March 8

Stay Stout

It's a sad day when the bastions of obesity get influenced by Eastern European supermodels bound in tiny swatches of fabric and squealing delightedly in the surf.

Diego Maradona's stomach stapling surgery has been declared a resounding success and left him with the ability to only eat bite-sized pieces of lard. Meanwhile Kirstie Alley wants to become Fit Actress with the help of Jenny Craig and is blogging her progress. I'm not terribly familiar with how these weight loss centres work but if they are anything like the ones in Hong Kong then I shall look forward to seeing the new improved Kirstie Alley sitting on an exercise ball with legs splayed out from under a red tutu.

It's rumoured that they are doing this for health reasons but what is "healthy" but a vague wishywashy concept? It's just another way to justify food that tastes like cardboard and the existence of overpriced gym memberships. Healthy is all in the mind, irrespective of size. Only a healthy person would be able to pay homage to Paris Hilton in a feather boa or be able to move one's body in a way that sends Mischa Barton into throes of disgust.

Everywhere you look, society discriminates against the obese. Miniscule economy class seats. Gadgets with tiny buttons. Unreasonable weight restrictions in elevators. Doorways. And worst of all, toilet seats that are too uncomfortable for reading the entire newspaper from front to back. The Extra-Elongated, Extra-Wide toilet bowl may have arrived a little too late for the likes of Diego Maradona and Kirstie Alley but there's still hope for the rest. As long as there exists a rim size that fits, there really is no cause for concern.


At 8:54 AM, Blogger lancerlord said...

Fwah! Wonder if he can chase the ball now.

At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait, I'm still dazed from that picture of Anna Nicole Smith (the She-Beast), and now I have to process the jumbo-johns.
I need a drink.


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