I shall call them Mini-Mimi!

Mariah Carey dolls, eh? Fear not, Marie Osmond, your status as singer turned doll designer (seriously was this one based on Rosemary's Baby) is secure for now. Rather Mariah has commissioned toymakers to produce 3000 plastic miniature versions of herself. This is going to be such a huge success that I can foresee an entire range designed for doll enthusiasts of all types.

Stepping Out Mariah

A starter doll, depicting Mariah going about her daily routine, whether that includes walking down the street and waving at her fans or going to buy milk from the corner store. Comes dressed in an outfit that represents her basic fashion philosophy: cleavage, thighs and midriff.

Let's Go Camping Mariah

Armed with a bottle of mosquito repellent and little else, this doll is ready to tackle the great outdoors! A camper van is available for separate purchase, fitted with gold faucets and expensive French mineral water to bathe in and toilet paper in her preferred shade in pink.

Doubled Sided Tape Mariah

Recognising that even dolls are not immune to the odd boob slip, toymakers have come up with a version that is built to withstand the rigors of play. Note that this model comes with faint surgical scars.

Little Mermaid Mariah

Like Princess Ariel, Mariah Carey has a captivating voice that has lured many a sailor to his rocky doom. That is where the similarity ends. Extra hairpieces included as the breasts drop over time.

Golfing Great Mariah

Comes dressed for a competitive round of golf and includes necessary equipment. Made with movable limbs so that she can practise her golf swing and tear up the green with those heels.

Strip-o-gram Mariah

No doll bachelor party would be complete without this addition. Programmed to lose the glasses first and then the coat. Anatomically incorrect to discourage the groom-to-be from cheating. Parental guidance recommended.

Limited Edition: Fabulous Formal Mariah

All glammed up for a big night out, this doll comes as part of a set with best buddy Versace Barbie. They've both passed rehab with flying colours and are positively glowing with health and bronzer.

Top-heavy Mariah

This particular model has a larger cup size and wider bust than the rest. Tastefully ensconced in fabric to avoid awkward questions from children. Will topple over if left to stand its own but reflects reality instead of being a design flaw.