Tuesday, November 8

Pain, suffering, inconvenience and the like

Rejoice fashion victims, the long arm of justice has reached out and bitchslapped those who dare to make shoddy designer shoes. But what about people like me, who have to wade through a quagmire of bad taste everyday to fill this blog? Surely I should be compensated for my pain and suffering and inconvenience, not to mention the like? What do you think are my chances of getting a lucrative settlement from Irregular Choice (found via FTOTZ forum) after browsing through their emotionally distressing range of shoes?


Claims: Confusion leading to apprehension leading to full-blown fear. Inability to sleep. Feelings of humiliation, mortification and embarrassment for anybody caught wearing this.


Claims: Searing pain in both retinas. Temporary blindness. Loss of income from being unable to work for a week. Delusions and hallucinations upon regaining vision.


Claims: Dizziness accompanied by nausea and vomiting. Depression. Loss of love and affection for shoes generally. Loss of enjoyment of life.


Claims: Momentary shutdown of brain from seeing purple and green together. Inevitable headaches that arise from trying to understand design. Severe mental anguish. Loss of appetite.


Claims: Shock. Injury sustained from falling off chair laughing. Heart palpitations. Respiratory difficulties.

Join me in this. It has all the makings of a landmark class action suit and a truly brilliant lawyer film.

Another blog to visit: Laugh it up, fuzzball - A Fuzzball is a 28-year-old fallen belle who lives in Houston, TX with a bossy dog and an even bossier parrot who she SWEARS is the reincarnation of Napoleon Bonaparte.

5 Comments:

At 5:38 PM, Blogger Karla said...

Gah! I just threw up a little bit in my mouth!

Though I am thinking of hiring whoever made that first pair of boots you showed to teach me how to fold paper napkins in interesting ways for dinner parties.

 
At 3:11 PM, Blogger Bethany said...

Wow -- I just shuddered.

I've never actually physically shuddered at the sight of an ugly shoe before, but those are truly horrid. On scale with gruesome medical photos.

 
At 1:45 AM, Blogger Alice said...

I think if you actually tried wearing them, most of the bells and ribbons would probably fall off, leaving a pile of charity footwear that was supposed to be destined for the third world. Evil.

 
At 12:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god... I cannot believe the things you are writing about a creative, original and inspirational brand.
What is wrong with you, you bland boring people, live a little, dare to be different and get a life!

 
At 10:37 AM, Anonymous tamara said...

"Anonymous said...

Oh my god... I cannot believe the things you are writing about a creative, original and inspirational brand.
What is wrong with you, you bland boring people, live a little, dare to be different and get a life!"



Eh... different is one word for them.



If I have to wear these... things to live a little, I don't think I want to live anymore. Anyone else care to join me?

 

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