Tuesday, December 20

Bargains galore

When I first came across the Lerner Catalog (www.lernercatalog.com) I was pleasantly surprised. I had not, in my wildest dreams, imagined fashion like that would be considered a viable business opportunity outside Hong Kong and at such bargain-basement prices. It's not a sale, they're practically giving it away! For a mere pittance, now you can be clothed for every day of the week.

MONDAY

Double breasted column skirt suit - Was $49.99, NOW $39.99!
Start the week off looking serious and corporatey. You're known for being organised and efficient. Most of all you're known for being flexible - so flexible that you can stretch your body out like a Marvel Comics superhero! That must have been some cosmic radiation coming off the photocopier.

TUESDAY

Button-front blazer - Was $89.99, NOW $79.99!
Bandless waist pants - Was $79.99, NOW $74.99!
What a classic B&W combination! The blazer and pants go together like those handbags go with your ears. I love it when real clothing can artfully resemble body-painted clothing.

WEDNESDAY

Silk blend cardigan sweater - Was $39.99, NOW $19.99!
Cropped trousers - Was $39.99, NOW $24.99!
Damn central heating always goes wonky in the middle of the week, which is why you need the extra warmth provided by adhesive roadkill critters. The fur trouser cuffs are detachable in case you want to avoid the inevitable nipping at your legs when you walk down the street.

THURSDAY

Skirt with front-zip pockets - was $59.99, NOW $54.99!
Coordinating tall boots - was $59.99, NOW $54.99!
Tuesday's outfit was such a hit that it begs a repeat performance. This time, wear the skirt and let the boots cover the rest. Don't let those judgmental office shrews make disapproving clucking noises over the size of your scallop hem. If it's good enough for you, it's far too good for them.

FRIDAY

Denim & Lace Pant Set - Was $59.99, NOW $24.99!
Get that nonchalant head toss ready for Dress-down Friday! Some workplaces don't allow jeans but technically speaking, these aren't even jeans. It's a "denim & lace pant set" as you can see. If that argument fails to convince, the old "but my grandmother made this for me" excuse should work.

SATURDAY

Ribbed cotton sweater - $29.99 (any cheaper and you'd be falling out of it)
Tie-dyed jeans - was $29.99, NOW $12.99!
You've been dying all week to wear those new tie-dyed jeans. No matter how many times you mix your colours in the wash, you will never achieve such a splendid effect. Pair it with your "somebody buy me a drink" top for optimal results. If you catch pneumonia, you still have Sunday to recover!

SUNDAY

Opulent brocade pants - Was $29.99, NOW $12.99!
Suede metallic blazer - Was $59.99, NOW $49.99!
There's always a wedding to attend on Sunday. Show up the bride with this eyecatching ensemble. Everybody else will be too busy checking you out for interior decorating ideas. That'll teach the happy couple to disturb you on your day of rest.

Another blog to visit: Stereotte - rock and roll, crafty stuff and whatever else comes to mind

3 Comments:

At 11:51 PM, Blogger Distressed Jeans said...

Hilarious as usual. Plus i got some great fashion tips!

xx

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Fightin' Mad Mary said...

I kinda like the Opulent brocade pants...is that bad?

 
At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i kinda like the tie died jeans i think they're cute/cool

 

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