Wet mop on aisle 2 please

Maybe just maybe when you are next at the supermarket, you should pay a little more attention to what you're wearing. You never know who's watching. Just because the person packing your groceries is wearing a drab apron and a plastic nametag that says "Maverick" doesn't mean that they don't appreciate the elegant lines of a finely tailored jacket or the swish-rustle-swish-rustle of a taffeta skirt.

Dressing to buy groceries is all about dressing to impress. You should strive to clothe yourself as if you are more important than the person next to you in the checkout line. Before you know it better cuts of meat, trolleys with well-oiled wheels and undented soup cans will find their way to you.


The vegetables section is where the most singles hang out in the hope of finding someone to share their frozen tv dinner with. You can send subtle signals about your ideal partner requirements by what you're holding - in this case the model is I am looking for a guy who is bent around the middle and leafy around the edges. This look also allows you to blend in with the display and then spring out at the man of your dreams. True love begins with the same thumpety-thumpety thump of the heart that is induced by a jolt of fright.


A woman who dresses like this is somebody who knows plenty about fish and the travails of being Mary-Kate Olsen. Out alone on a small boat waiting for the swordfish to stir, the acrid mix of salty sea air and Starbucks coffee searing one's nostrils, her mind often turns to Mary-Kate and how she is weathering her own solitude in the vast sea of celebrity.


Take a number to be served? Do I look like the sort? Look at the flaps of skin hanging off my arms. These arms need meat right away!


It is important to look glamourous in the junk food aisle lest others prejudge you as a slovenly and unfit couch potato who probably owns the Taradise boxed set. By dressing and posing in such a way to accentuate your slim but pleasing curves, it will send detractors scurrying back to the organic healthfoods section.


Often the best-tasting fruits are the ones whose succulent delights lay beneath the least appealing exteriors. Feel free to use that as your fashion mantra.

Another site to visit: Men's Flair - no-nonsense style guide for men