One Style Fits All

The weapons race is no doubt a scary thing but it pales in comparison to the designer denim race. As you read this, there's a woman somewhere in the world who is trying to squeeze herself into a pair of designer jeans that are a few sizes too small while a sales assistant looks on with a fake encouraging smile. With all the effort and grunting involved, it's like the birthing process done backward really.

It's totally fine if you want to spend some money to make the bottom half of your body look good. But then there are people who constantly namedrop the brand of jeans they are wearing or are planning to wear. Telling me how many pairs of Sevens jeans you own isn't going to make me genuflect at your feet. It will, however, suddenly make it difficult for me to tell your face and your ass apart.

All it takes is one celebrity to be seen wearing a pair and soon consumers will be practically worshipping them - no wonder some of the brands have names like Sacred Blue, True Religion and Blue Cult. I'm not even going to bother to try and list all the "it" jeans because there's a new hot brand born every minute. Just go to online shopping sites like shopbop or revolveclothing and you'll find enough denim to transform a third world country into a nation of rugged rock and rollers.

Each designer brand of jeans promises to lift your butt, lengthen your legs, enhance your curves and generally make people want to get you out of those jeans as soon as possible. What will they think of next, jeans that reduce cellulite? Oh wait, they already have. Getting rid of unsightly orange peel skin is as simple as creaming your pants! This is proof that jeans designers have run out of ideas because there is so much hand-distressing and fancy stitching that can be done before the jeans-wearing crowd on the street just morph into a walking faded blue mess.

The makers of Levis, the original jeans that begat all jeans, know this so they've decided to throw all pretensions out the window and return to basics. During the Colombia Moda fashion show last week, Levis revealed the future of denim - no frills jeans for everyone without having to fuss about annoying details like bootcut, flare or slimfit.



The sound you hear is Levi Strauss rolling in his grave but pay no attention to it. As any young hipster scenester type will tell you, it's hottt.