Goodie bags

The only things that interest me about award shows like the Emmys are the embarrassing displays of red carpet fashion (as shown above) and the extravagant gift bags.

This year's official Emmy gift bag was reportedly worth about US$30,000 so I did some research and compiled a near-complete list of its contents. If you managed to get your hands on one, please let me know what else needs to be included. Remember that these bags are given to presenters and nominees so yes, even William Shatner gets one!

ACCESSORIES
Dooney & Bourke large doctor's satchel
Luxury designer dog products from Bella Pooch including custom clothing and gourmet food

TRINKETS
Choice of one custom piece of gold jewelry, with or without precious stones from Ippolita
Elini Nazar watches (ugh, they make "Rolex copy watch" look good)

HOME & ELECTRONICS
38cm flat screen television
Sprint PCS Vision Multimedia Phone MM-A700 by Samsung

FOOD AND DRINK
One kg box of Ethel M. Chocolate
Private dinner at Morton's, The Steakhouse
Bottle of Californian wine with an invitation for two to Napa Valley for lunch and a private vineyard tour

HEALTH AND BEAUTY
One year membership at The Sports Club LA
A crapload of Dior beauty products
Day spa visits

TRAVEL
Choice of five nights accommodation at exclusive destinations from Small Luxury Hotels of the World (what, no airfare, how stingy!)
United Airlines upgrades certificates

I know what you're thinking - It doesn't look quite right. There should be more. Well of course there is, silly. Didn't I say earlier that was just the official gift bag. Will you keep up with me, here! Let me break it down for you so that you civilians (Matt Damon's term, not mine) can understand it better. There's also:
1. the Buzz Bags given a week before the awards ceremony;
2. the Distinctive Assets gift bags for all the nominees; and
3. the Entertainment Tonight after-party gift bags.

Now you too can sleep more soundly at night in the knowledge that overpaid tv stars can never be pampered enough.