Friday, September 17

NY Fashion Week - Part 2

New York Fashion Week finally closed on Wednesday and all the fashion publications have had their chance to gush over the new collections. What I've done is set out all you need to know about New York designer trends so you don't have to sift through all the meaningless phrases like "deft, modern touches", "body-conscious silhouettes" and "returning to classic roots".

At last it will be socially acceptable to dress up like your favourite Mortal Kombat character outside of comic conventions. In this case that would be Lord Raiden, Elder god of thunder and lightning, Protector of the Earthrealm and generally one of the most stylish video game characters ever to shoot lightning bolts from his eyes.

Skirts will be loosefitting and made of light fabric so that grown women can easily sit on top of bar counters with their legs spread. A note of caution - the wider the legs are spread, the easier it is for someone to reach between them and steal your handbag. Among other things.

Food is making a comeback. Pasta is best worn when it's al dente, with a drizzle of olive oil and perhaps a light sprinkling of freshly grated Parmigiano. If you are on a low-carb diet, then you might want to consider creating a similar look with shredded carrot or vitamin-rich kelp.

Bows will be the ultimate accessory. Not only are they ladylike, but they remind men that women are tantalising packages covered in very expensive wrapping paper. The bow must be placed directly over the crotch area to highlight just how much of a gift to mankind that women are. The bigger the bow the bigger I won't go there.

Although designers Sass & Bide are incredibly popular in Australia not many people know that there is actually a silent S in their name so it's pronounced "Ass & Bide". But hey, they set the trends so do not question, just follow. This spring & summer, no self-respecting fashion victim will be seen without their plumage. Not just a couple of stray feathers. Lots of it. In fact, you'll need to find an entire bird and use its beak to clamp it to the back of your head. It's already spring in Australia so expect to see their streets soon filled with Pict warrior maidens. Roar.

It's amazing how one jacket can instantly dress up an outfit. You can wear it into work on casual Fridays. If it's one of those lazy afternoons where you're not busy at all and the weather is beautiful outside, just take off the jacket and you're ready for a quick romp at the beach. Given the amount of time people spend sitting behind their desks in front of a computer these days, nobody will even notice you're not wearing pants or a skirt.

A few months ago, if I had told guys that they would be at the height of fashion if they dressed like a bellhop at a Mediterranean resort, they would have laughed at me. Now, they would just nod and smile knowingly.

Florals. Mosaics. A dainty scarf. Learn to love these words. The trick is to get the mosaic patterned shorts creating the illusion of a skirt. If you're worried that wearing this may cause your masculinity to be called into question, then you should probably know that you've already lost it by just looking at the above picture.


At 3:05 PM, Blogger j-a said...

damn it. i made designs of wacky clothes like that when i was five. should have kept at it.

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