NY Fashion Week - Part 1

I've always imagined fashion show parties to be glamourous affairs where elegant people swan around, feeding off each other's gorgeousness. That is, until I looked at photos of NY Fashion Week and realised that there is no such marvellous symbiosis but many instances of unstylishness that merge into a synergy of suck. If this is what it takes to become one of the beautiful people, then please wrap me in a non-designer gown and call me ugly.


This is Helen Gurley Brown. They say that during the 1960s she was the original Cosmo girl who created the independent, single woman revolution. They also say that as you grow older, your fashion sense is one of the first senses to go. Shall we shag now or shag later? Definitely later.


This is Gloria Vanderbilt who comes from a family of society scions. She's looking remarkably sprightly for an 80 year old. Her hearing is not so good though because the organisers called her up and said "come visit us at the Fashion Week tents" but she misheard it as "come dressed as a fashionably green tent".


Um..interesting pants. Yes...very feminine. A bit too feminine perhaps.


All it takes is one glass of red wine and her dress is half off. These woozy fashion types sure can't hold their alcohol very well.


Don't look at me like that. It's not my fault that you wanted to make a spectacular entrance by parachute but lost your bearings. All things considered, you look pretty good for someone who had to claw their way out of a bramble patch with bits of leftover parachute sticking to them.


What is this? A casting call for Dawn of the Dead 2? If you're looking for lots of flesh to chomp on, then I fear you've come to the wrong place. Where is that Milla girl when you need her to blast away errant zombies?


Don't look so glum, just sack your stylist. What's that, oh I see, you ARE the stylist.


Goodness, get this poor woman a paramedic at once! She's been slimed!


I just want to set the record straight that he is a well-respected photographer so do not ask him whether he should be out the back looking after the catering.


Oh my. There is no God. How was it stitched together? Bits of models? Bits of socialites? Actually the makeup is quite good because I can barely make out the neck bolts and stitching.