Friday, October 15

Eating Etiquette

I don't mean to sound like a modern day Emily Post but every now and then it's important to brush up on our etiquette skills. However we live in a society that is very different to the one which insisted on 1920s style table manners, so it's time to update the rules of dining etiquette with the help of some important public figures. Many people call them celebrities but they are also people who have taught us so much about fashion, love and life generally.

Mike Tyson

No matter what the nutrition guides tell you, green salad is not your friend. You must approach a salad in the way that Mike Tyson does, with a style that is impetuous and a defense that is impregnable. Rip the salad to shreds, kill it and feed it to yourself, then go after its children and devour them too.

Hilary Clinton

Our ancestors have tried for years, but there really isn't any way to look elegant when eating a jumbo hot dog. However do not let that discourage you because if you approach the task at hand with determination and gusto, you might just end up looking more dignified than an intern caught in the act of pleasuring her President in the Oval Office.

Paul Newman

The highlight of any cake cutting ceremony is deciding who should lick the cutting knife clean. This privilege is usually reserved for the eldest member attending the ceremony as they usually have the steadiest hands and no more teeth to lose.

Vince Vaughn

Formal etiquette dictates that no matter how the food tastes, you should use appropriate facial expressions to express your appreciation to your host. When in doubt, rearrange your features to look like you had a run-in with Mike Tyson's lethal uppercut.

Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro

Sharing food is becoming increasingly acceptable in this modern age because it helps people bring closer. Experts also agree that food tastes better and contains higher nutritional value when it's been passed back and forth between people's mouths several times.

Jennifer Garner

Always chew with your mouth closed. Even if you are blessed with a jaw that unhinges when you eat, you must adhere to this golden rule.

Geri Halliwell & David Hasselhoff

As a general rule, the practice of eating in public while standing up is only recommended when the diner is able to avoid littering the ground with food crumbs. In most cases, using a dog of below-average size as a crumb-catcher will suffice.

Anna Kournikova

There are times when even etiquette has to take a back seat because fellow diners will be too busy thinking about other things to notice whether the correct rules have been observed.

For more educational celebrity eating pictures, visit


At 6:17 PM, Blogger Mallrat said...

that's hysterical.
i was wondering where you'd got all those piccies from - thinking, boy he's spent a lot of time that he'll never get back collecting them. then i see the link...


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