Friday, October 8

I wanna be like Yao

What do many aspiring teenage girls have in common with a 23 year old delivery worker in Hong Kong? They both yearn to be taller so that they can pursue their respective dream careers, as a supermodel or an NBA basketball player (summarised from a more detailed Chinese article in the local Apple Daily newspaper).

I know that when I stopped growing I was just devastated that I had stopped short of the height (and looks) required for a runway model. Fortunately I didn't jump the gun and waste good money on implants. Thanks to Mr Lau, I have also come to the realisation that the following techniques wouldn't have been able to lengthen me into an Amazonian giantess:
1. the Huajia height machine
2. wrapping the legs in warm pads
3. frequent leg massages
4. passing electrical currents through the legs
5. growth hormone injections purchased from Mexico (actually I still have some confidence in this method because I've heard that there's some top-grade stuff coming out of Tijuana, but nonetheless this has been quite a rude awakening, don't you think!).

Despite all these disappointments, Mr Lau hasn't given up his dreams yet. Why should he when he's only tapped into the tip of the iceberg. There are so many other techniques available to him and one of them is bound to work:
1. neck-lengthening device
2. growing taller with hypnosis
3. oral spray
4. foot cream
5. low frequency sound waves

And just say if, purely hypothetically speaking of course, he doesn't grow any taller, he can always invest in a pair of elevator shoes. After all, Kate Moss catapulted into a style icon at only 5 foot 7 inches by using her distinctive looks. In a similar fashion, Mr Lau can conquer the basketball court by demonstrating factors such as extraordinary speed, agility, strength, endurance etc to compensate for lack of height AND intellect.


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