Italian for fugly

The Italian fashion house of Fendi is trying to stage a brand revival so that people will actually buy something, anything even, from their boutiques. You'd think that with that unsightly brown double F logo, the tai-tais of Asia would be automatically surrendering their wallets to the Fendi sales assistants. Could it be...that they have developed a modicum of taste? Of course not, because that would contradict the rise of fortunes at Dior.



Fendi is hoping that their latest Vanity handbag (pictured above) will prove to be as popular as their signature baguette handbag. It manages to be futuristic and retro at the same time and costs between US$1200-$1600, which is more than the special effects budget of the sci-fi tv show in which it was used as a prop.

Fendi has also announced plans to focus their attentions on designing more shoes because frankly, they don't really know how to design clothes for people who aren't circus performers. This fills me with great trepidation because the world can only handle so much unsightliness. For example:



What do you think goes on during Fendi brainstorming meetings?
Creative 1: This winter, I'm thinking that we go for the intrepid explorer look, something like trekking in the Himalayas. Fendi meets the Yeti!
Creative 2: I'm thinking we look further west and take inspiration from the Alps, and mix in some thematic florals like the alpine edelweiss. The hills are alive with the Sound of Fendi!
Karl Lagerfeld: Nein! Have you no imagination at all? I'm thinking of a look which says Yeti gets lei'd! By singing nuns! *giggle*
Creatives 1 & 2: Gasp! Karl, you are brilliant!



At first I thought that some prankster superglued the crocodile shoe to its plastic display stand. But they're really perspex wedge heels. Those words don't even belong in the same book, let alone the same sentence. What are we selling here, bookends or shoes? Make up your mind, Fendi!

Now you can see why I think that if you look up Fendi in the Italian-English dictionary, you will find that it means "fugly". Somewhere in a secluded Mediterranean resort, the original Fendi sisters (who sold a majority stake in their company to LVMH) are too busy knocking back champagne cocktails while getting their feet massaged by hunky toy boys to care about what is going on.