Eastern-inspired pieces

Every year some designer will mangle a kimono or cheongsam for their runway collections and suddenly the East will become so there, so now, so hackneyed. I guess everybody needs one of these pieces in their wardrobe so that they can wax lyrical about the Oriental influences in their life. The East meets West look has to be done properly so stop trying to tie a damn obi around your t shirt and check out these Eastern-inspired fashion musthaves!

Cambodian baby orphan

Who's wearing it: Angelina Jolie
Where to get it from: All disreputable adoption agencies. Look for sign "Instant cash for babies, old (but no older than 9 months) and new" and "Member of Cambodian Baby Traffic webring" on their websites.
Price: Can cost over US$200,000 excluding fees for battling lawsuits and government red tape. VIP Discount for United Nations goodwill ambassadors.
Staying power: At one stage, this trend was in threat of being superseded by Russian baby orphan until it was discovered that Russia, unlike Cambodia, had at least one law and that law was enforced from time to time. So, we think it still has another 6 months before African baby orphan becomes all the rage.
Anything else I need to know: Don't feel bad about using the word orphan if you find out that its parents are still alive. I mean, you use the word turtleneck to describe sweaters even though turtles don't have such soft woollen necks - it's just a term of art. Normally Cambodian baby orphan just sits comfortably on one hip like so but be selective about what you wear it with because it can, and believe me it will overwhelm an outfit.

Korean-American twentysomething trophy wife

Who's wearing it: Nicolas Cage
Where to get it from: Usually found in luxury brand boutiques but keep your eyes peeled because they could crop up anywhere - Nic found his at LA sushi bar, Sushi Avenue.
Cost: Expensive to buy, and make no mistake about it, even more expensive to keep. It will get bored easily and need constant maintenance in the form of jewellery, designer goods and the promise of a small business.
Staying power: As long as there are fortysomething balding men who think they can pull off a mismatching leather overcoat & pants set AND a cowboy hat, this trend will never die.
Anything else I need to know: Some men such as Nic Cage (and Woody Allen, the man who started it all) recommend starting the process of acquiring one when it is still in its teens. Wear it for its gorgeous black hair, cute button nose, pouty lips and helplessly innocent eyes like those of a puppy caught in a housefire. It's only young so don't search for any deep historical meaning in it.

Harajuku girls

Who's wearing it: Gwen Stefani
Where to get it from: Yoyogi Park in Harajuku, Tokyo (only on Sundays) or local cosplay convention.
Price: The girls themselves aren't very expensive because they will follow you around if you dangle something super kawaii in front of them. Ultimately the cost to the wearer is definitely more psychological rather than monetary.
Staying power: As with all trends emanating from Japanese subculture, these particular Harajuku girls are already so yesterday but if you wait for a couple of days they'll be in fashion once again, if only for a few minutes.
Anything else I need to know: Personalise your fashion items by naming them. Gwen calls them Love, Angel, Music, Baby respectively. I'll be calling mine Willy, Wonka, Meth, Madness.