Tuesday, November 30

Knit one, buy one

There were many things that I struggled with during my school years - elementary science, double sessions of calculus, acne - but nowhere else did it all unravel so completely and despairingly apart than in sewing class. Somehow the manual dexterity required for these tasks didn't make it out the birth canal with me, waylaid like a piece of luggage that fell off the side of a fast-moving conveyor belt.

So even though there's been a big resurgence in the popularity of knitting, it's not something that I can entrust to these demented hands of mine. However, this blog is not really about me. It's about how YOU dear reader can derive a certain pleasure from the simple things in life. Knitting is something you could do at the office in between reading an email asking you to follow up on the status of something that bears no relevance to you, sending an email to follow up on the status and waiting for the reply to the follow up email. It also helps focus your mind and achieve a frightening clarity without the aid of powerful mind-altering drugs.

With Xmas approaching, you can avoid the shopping crush and unnecessary expense by knitting your own presents. No matter how it turns out, the recipient is forced to hold it up against themselves with feigned delight. By using some guilt-inducing persuasion you could even get them to try it on in front of many people. See, deriving pleasure from the simple (and sometimes cruel) things in life.

I suggest that novices begin their foray into knitting with something small but sweet like a men's thong, then progress to a foundation garment. Guys should also feel free to bring out their balls of yarn without fear of raised eyebrows and in fact, I think that other guys would be quite envious when you show them what exactly you are knitting - this sort of thing comes in real handy for stag nights.

Once you have mastered foundation garments you can move on scarves, afghans and most definitely sweaters. When it comes to sweater patterns, you are limited only by your imagination and god help you if it extends beyond the gallery featured in the KFS Sweater Project. Knit one, purl one wtf? No problem, there are people who will gladly pick up the knitting needles for you if the price is right. Being able to fork out for a red angora turtleneck gown or burgundy angora sweater coat is already a rare luxury in itself.


At 5:53 AM, Blogger Jon said...

Men's thongs....so not sexy! Even on the hottest guy it's just... wrong.


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