Monday, December 13

Reading Club Selections

Welcome to Spirit Fingers' Reading Club. When I'm not out shopping, I like to curl up by my faux fireplace made of cardboard and read a good book. On this occasion I would like to recommend a set of novels for the singletons who have become jaded by the trials & tribulations of power dating, preferring to retreat to a fantasy world constructed by quivering, romantic prose.

Yournovel.com, the personalised romance novel provider, offers you the chance to be the lead heroine with cascading jet black hair, piercing blue eyes and pleasing curves. All you have to do is choose from 15 lovelorn titles and just provide some personal details (the most important being billing and payment information). They can also write a novel based on your own story for $100,000 but then again that money could be better spent on the best gigolo money can buy.

When ordering your book(s), one important thing to decide between the WILD or MILD versions. Judging from the excerpts which I customised below, the WILD version seems to be the way to go.

Away on the Range
MY SLUTTY CO-WORKER ran her fingers through her LIMP AND GREASY hair, looked up at MY SLEAZY SUPERVISOR and said, "If I'm gonna find that needle in this haystack, you better get to losing it. "Pronto," MY SLEAZY SUPERVISOR replied as he tore at his clothes to release his needle.

For the Ages
At that moment, their favorite GREGORIAN tune started up over the limoâs stereo speakers. "Just like on RADIO VATICANA," THE POPE noted, quickly adding with an air of optimism, "maybe we should take that as a sign." He placed his hand on SISTER MARIA's knee and began to slide it up her leg.

The Treasure Seekers
Though in a dreamy state, BILL was cognizant enough to throw a handful of bills once again toward the ceiling. RUPERT did the same. The bills floated as if in slow motion, some landing on their glistening bodies.

Let the Good Times Roll
The beads moved this way and that. ALIEN dipped her head and a strand danced across PREDATOR's chest. Another was clenched in ALIEN's mouth and she unconsciously chewed on them as she ground her body against his.

Love's Bounty
He spoke softly, “And this evening’s lead story, ‘No bombings, no robberies, no car accidents, no wars. Just PARIS HILTON and THE ENTIRE TOWNSHIP making love in a hammock on the Outer Banks.“

Heart of the Keys
When it was over, and they stood panting under the showerhead, SPONGEBOB turned the knob from warm to cool. The refreshing spray re-energized PRINCESS PEPPERMINT. “That was amazing,” she said. “No, you’re amazing, MY LITTLE PONY,” SPONGEBOB remarked. PRINCESS PEPPERMINT reached down and picked up the soap. “What’s really amazing is that we didn’t slip on this. Wouldn’t that have been awful?”

My second reading club recommendation is for the single straight guy who requires less text and more visuals. I think that you will find plenty of character development in Red-Hot Trailer Brochure Model Fan Fiction, if you know what I mean.

Spirit Fingers is nominated the Best Asian Newcomer 2004 and Funniest Blog categories of the Asia Blog Awards (voting is only allowed once per day). Vote for Spirit Fingers - I pledge to have a romance novel in every home.

2 Comments:

At 9:13 AM, Blogger Desci said...

Hee! Inspired character choices; well done! :)

 
At 7:42 PM, Blogger Kate said...

Those books are hilarious. Did you see if your guy (or your girl, I suppose) is bald, you can;t say that. You have to say the person has "invisible hair."

Heh heh. How romantical!

 

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