Thursday, March 31

Position vacant

Every now and then I like to seek out the damp and dark corners of the earth. So this weekend I'm off to London! My 10 day itinerary will consist primarily of Kabbalah sessions with Sister Mad-Esther interspersed with stalking of Jude Law. There's also a wedding I have to attend. Nothing fancy, just two plain-looking folk exchanging vows at the registry office followed by a church blessing and finger food.

This wedding is significant because the elevation of Royal Mistress to Princess Consort creates a vacancy that needs to be filled at taxpayers' expense. To this end, the Prince's search led him to places such as Australia and New Zealand which despite their remoteness, had heard of British royalty through the supermarket tabloids. Alas, the search for a suitable replacement has been a Goldilocks' tale:

Too athletic

Too much like first wife

Too much like wife to be

Too buffed

Too precocious

Too flighty

Too competitive

Too indigenous

Too hard to pick out from the crowd

But perhaps not. I think we may have found one that's just right. Have her shorn and brought to my room.

And so it transpired that they (ie the Mount-batten Windsor men and their ovine concubines) all lived happily after.

The end.


At 2:19 AM, Blogger A.Ball.of.Yarn said...

hahaha..i love this post. funny!

At 6:12 AM, Anonymous John said...

Very nice story. Though, I think the sheep are just in it for the money. :)

At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heart you like mad and always read your columns. Please keep on blogging-- I'm sure there are more unappreciate lurkers like me out and about! :D


At 10:38 AM, Blogger delta said...

lol that was awesome

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Bag chick said...

Brilliant, absolutely fabulous!

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Kate said...

Being the from the Prince of Wales family and posing with farm animals just opens you up to a whole mess of jokes and they should know that. :)

At 9:52 PM, Blogger Jellyfish said...

It's incredible how often his facial expression looks like he's checking someone out. They really should look into that, it's disturbing.

At 2:30 PM, Anonymous La Cabrita said...

This was priceless. It just got worse and worse. Looking forward to your return. Too many days without your brand of sarcasm.

At 8:57 PM, Blogger Mariposa said...

I loved this. I want to hug it and love it and cherish it. Much like the Prince and his concubine.

Speaking of which, today he gets married to that beast. The world is at end my friends.


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