And the bride wore a bikini
What a difference a weekend makes. Just last week the naysayers were sounding the death knell for romance. Then Pamela and Kid Rock came along to show us that true love can survive hepatitis C and groupie shenanigans and that bridal bikinis work so much better the second (or third?) time round.
But it's going to take more than just a yacht in St Tropez to celebrate the most romantic day of one's life. After all planned spontaneity makes for the best wedding pictures.
Drink alcohol. Lots of it. Alcohol beats romantic (read dim) lighting hands down every time. Your memories may be hazy but at least they will be mostly positive.
Where that old wedding saying is concerned the "something new" should always be underwear. It will draw rapturous applause from husband and guests alike when you strip down for the Dollar Poledance.
Staying limber keeps the romantic sparks alive. Not only will it please your partner in the marital bed it will serve you well when that honeymoon tape is leaked - these days YouTube's audiences are extremely learned and expect to be awed and disgusted in new ways all the time.
Buy the blushing bride the best ring that money can buy. It can be bigger than her finger. Or her hand. It can gently rest on her head shining brilliantly like a beacon of amour, guiding lovers down the path of marital bliss and cars off the road into those lovers.
Before walking down the aisle, check that everything that is supposed to be there is there! Sometimes there's a mixup and the wedding cake goes missing or by the time it arrives it is all crumbly and brittle!
When you've finished with the French Riviera, it's time to get hitched all over again in Malibu, Detroit and Nashville. You might even want to do it with the same person too!
Next update: Wednesday August 2