From the lips of Lindsay

Situations where it may be appropriate to make weird kissy faces instead of posing normally for photographers

When you seem to recall it worked for Marilyn Monroe but forget that it doesn't really work for anyone else


When you see someone you fancy and you want to invite them back to your hotel room to recreate the happiest place on earth


When you feel so very happy and relaxed and are just generally stoned beyond comprehension


When you've just had a car accident and you would prefer to exchange airkisses instead of insurance details


When expressing appreciation for all the young fans who continued to support you throughout your wildly fluctuating breast sizes


When you're trying to impress Meryl Streep with your brilliant impersonation of a cat's backside


When you don't want to be shown up as any less feminine than the drag queen beside you


When you need to lightly blow away traces of cocaine from your fingers without calling suspicion on yourself


Next update: Monday 17 July