Friday, June 30

The defining stages of HK pop stardom

You'd think that if you were Joey Yung, one of the most popular Hong Kong Cantopop stars ever to walk the earth, and Madame Tussaud was going to bestow upon you the ultimate honour of creating a waxy clone, you would ask that it be dressed in something less tartany, less shiny, less WTF even. Good job on the flat stomach though.

But in all fairness, the costume was modelled after something actually worn before and that something takes gold encrusted clothes to a whole new level. I hate it when pantsuits are so heavy that you can only wear a bra top instead of a proper blouse underneath, lest you topple off the stage and die from the sheer weight and embarrassment of it all.

If the sumptuous finery above is an allusion to her having reached a career pinnacle, let's see how her other trademark outfits have come to represent the defining stages in her career.

Becoming a sex symbol

Many will fondly remember the time when she went from girl next door to vampy femme fatale, as all female pop stars of mateable age do. Suddenly she was wearing nothing apart from a strategically placed assortment of live bats.

Freak accident

But disaster struck when she was bombarded with cosmic radiation during the filming of a skin-whitening ad gone awry, which caused most of her hair to fall out but temporarily gifted her with terrifying and uncontrollable magnetic powers. People could not help but whisper about her "mutantness" behind her back.

Massive drop in popularity

With her beautiful hair gone (but her sense of style intact), Joey found her fan base severely eroded. She was relegated to performing in tattered and ill-fitting clothing in low-rating variety shows that screen in the middle of the night when all the old people who normally enjoy such shows are already fast asleep.

Public service campaign

Keen to return to her glory days, Joey embarked on an aggressive campaign to win her fans back through the power of celebrity activism. During her environmental phase, Joey found new ways to recycle wooden chopsticks, shredded documents and Ronald McDonald wigs.

Descent into bad girl lifestyle

However all the civic-mindedness was just a fleeting phase and Joey soon reverted to her irresponsible ways, wearing environmentally unsound leather shorts and damning several endangered species of woolly creatures to extinction by flaunting their balls of yarn in public. Nevertheless she was back at the top of her game and well on the way to becoming enshrined in waxy eternity.

Next update: Monday 3 July


At 1:05 PM, Blogger Chief-Ten-Bears said...

I'm gonna save my used swiffer sheets to make a skirt just like that purple rag number Joey Yung has on.


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