Whatever happened to plain old asses' milk?

In hindsight, letting Junior gorge himself on all that expired chocolate and candy just before bathtime wasn't such a good idea. That's what I thought until I found out this is actually a hot curry bath and not raw sewage matter. Apparently a heady mix of curry spices such as red pepper and turmeric does wonders for your circulation and complexion.


But is it really wise to be subjecting your naked body to such intense flavours? These guys seem to have passed out from being unable to stoke the raging fire in their loins.


Not to mention the attendant social implications for someone who wafts pungently through the street after having soaked in a relaxing vindaloo.


What concerns me about the picture above is that we don't know whether the curry is going into the bath, or the curry came from the bath and is about to served for dinner with a side of fragrant jasmine rice. Come to think about it, are we sure that is even a bathtub and not a giant soup tureen?

As spicy food falls out favour and spa-goers demand greater variety, we can expect to see the following menu choices in the future:
1. chicken stock bath - good for the soul and breaking down congested fatty deposits
2. minestrone bath - super hydrating, infused with nutrients, vegetables and minerals
3. gazpacho bath - a cooling fresh body wash to relieve muscle ache and tension
4. clam chowder bath - pamper yourself with a rich and creamy body treatment, leaving you slick and slightly fishy
5. goulash bath - as you simmer away in luxurious paprika, you will feel the stress-related toxins being flushed from your body

But if you really want to take years off your face and body, leaving your skin as smooth as a baby, can I suggest a home made peanut butter remedy instead?

Next update: Monday 24 July