Wednesday, July 26

Thanks for the hand knitted g-string Grandma!

Things your grandmother might say when confronted with sexy crochet lingerie from

And when the war came, we didn't have enough to eat and we soon grew out of our clothes. What poor wretches we were, all skinny and scared looking and messy long hair! But even in these worst of times, we made damn sure we waxed regularly. We weren't savages you know.

I used to collect these, yes I did. Some of them even predate the notion of sexy underwear. One day it will all be yours.

I always say, nothing like a hard day of manual labour down at the pump factory to get you into hot bikini shape. Diet pills bah! Jazzercise feh! No carbs gah!

Oh now this is nice and homely. It works on just about anything. Listen close, child. That teapot cosy wasn't always a teapot cosy you know. Used it as a pair of crotchless panties before incontinence reared its ugly head.

Things were done much differently back when your grandfather was courting me. We weren't as outspoken with our emotions as you younguns are. This is how I let him know that I was keen to be plucked.

Back in the day, we didn't have photoshop. We had to trudge 50 miles in the freezing cold until you found a sheep farm and borrow some lanolin and some putty. And if they froze on the way home you had to thaw it all out on the stove, then rub the burning goo all over your body until it was real nice and smooth. The rest went on the camera lens and anything left over we used to make peanut butter sandwiches. Then you clenched your cheeks together and held them until you heard the camera bulb explode then you knew it was time to pick out the glass shards from your bare ass.

Next update: Friday July 28


At 2:56 AM, Blogger Mme. la Vie said...

This is "tears in eyes" funny! I'm adding your link to UrbanTantrica. I'll remove it if you like, but I'd love to have my readers visit your blog. Keep up the hilarity. Everything is better with laughter.

At 4:46 AM, Blogger Borderline said...

I look forward to the spring line of knitted nipple tassles and hand embroidered dildo warmers.

At 7:17 AM, Blogger stilt said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:19 AM, Blogger stilt said...

Hey SF - you're famous

At 9:47 AM, Blogger Puss In Boots said...

Great article in the SMH, SF!

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Kim said...

Apalling! ewww.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Exciting. They didn't however publish the pic I sent them of myself in a flesh coloured bikini, what with their editorial standards and all.

At 4:55 PM, Blogger DICEY said...

laughter came out of my cubicle. 'tis your fault.... thanx! :)


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