Thanks for the hand knitted g-string Grandma!

Things your grandmother might say when confronted with sexy crochet lingerie from koniakow.com


And when the war came, we didn't have enough to eat and we soon grew out of our clothes. What poor wretches we were, all skinny and scared looking and messy long hair! But even in these worst of times, we made damn sure we waxed regularly. We weren't savages you know.


I used to collect these, yes I did. Some of them even predate the notion of sexy underwear. One day it will all be yours.


I always say, nothing like a hard day of manual labour down at the pump factory to get you into hot bikini shape. Diet pills bah! Jazzercise feh! No carbs gah!


Oh now this is nice and homely. It works on just about anything. Listen close, child. That teapot cosy wasn't always a teapot cosy you know. Used it as a pair of crotchless panties before incontinence reared its ugly head.


Things were done much differently back when your grandfather was courting me. We weren't as outspoken with our emotions as you younguns are. This is how I let him know that I was keen to be plucked.


Back in the day, we didn't have photoshop. We had to trudge 50 miles in the freezing cold until you found a sheep farm and borrow some lanolin and some putty. And if they froze on the way home you had to thaw it all out on the stove, then rub the burning goo all over your body until it was real nice and smooth. The rest went on the camera lens and anything left over we used to make peanut butter sandwiches. Then you clenched your cheeks together and held them until you heard the camera bulb explode then you knew it was time to pick out the glass shards from your bare ass.

Next update: Friday July 28