Wednesday, October 20

Save the puppies

What is wrong with the picture above?
(a) the dog is wearing coloured contact lenses to match Charlize Theron's eyes
(b) the dog thinks it is next to Ashley Judd
(c) the posing is suspiciously similar to that used for the Sweet November poster except that the dog has more expression than Keanu
(d) For god's sake, it's a PETA ad. Where is the (tasteful) nudity???

Most of you were thinking (c) but the answer is actually (d). This is an organisation which managed to get a whole lot of people to disrobe for their campaigns such as I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur. Despite having Charlize Theron, one of the most gorgeous actresses in Hollywood today, at their disposal, they produce the most underwhelming ad which looks like it's promoting knitted scarves for dog lovers.

No double entendres, not even a little bit of roleplaying. Hmmm maybe Miss I have an Oscar now has decided to be more selective on where and when she will expose herself. Well excuse me Charlize, if you didn't mind auditioning for the lead in Showgirls, you can get the goods out for a PETA ad.

Before all the animal activists start going into a frenzy and cause my domestic helper to pass out from the thinner fumes when I make her clean up the red paint outside my home, I would like to point out that I am not a fan of real fur. Not only because of the cruelty aspect which is well documented on the PETA website but also because:
1. it is scary, as in alien life form exploding out of chest scary.
2. it is often seen on washed up celebrities who used to be married to Sly Stallone and now appear on reality tv shows
3. it is impractical - you can try and wear it like a life jacket but when the unsinkable ship hits the iceberg, you are most definitely not going to float. And your frozen body gliding in the icy waters will be mistaken for a napping otter.

The second thing that is wrong with the PETA ad is the part which says "If you wouldn't wear your dog", as if it's something that's just not done. Don't these PETA people keep up with the trends, what's hot and what's not? Wearing your dog is de rigeur among the fashionable set and some style gurus have been known to wear fur and dog together like Kelly Osbourne. Frankly speaking the cats don't mind the lack of attention at all because they don't have to deal with the screech nasally voice of Nanny Fine all day long, be forced to do a fruit bat impersonation in front of millions or have to turn their little head away and cringe in embarrassment as their mistress makes sex tape after sex tape.

These poor little dogs need rescuing from their lives of misery and their plight should be brought to PETA's attention. To further this cause, I've made some improvements to Charlize's ad so that it makes more sense.


At 12:57 AM, Blogger Eshin said...

I must say you've outdone yourself.

A class bit of writing.

At 12:58 PM, Blogger j-a said...

HA HA HA!!!! love it! i agree with fur being 'alien life form' scary.

At 4:31 AM, Blogger Bombadil said...

I bet the dog is ticked that she is not naked. How unfair.

At 5:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kelly Osbourne looks about 40 in that shot. I like the keywords, too: "eye contact." No, she isn't.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger stilt said...

the dog actually looks a little disturbed and unsure about having Charlize groping him/her. I think I can almost see the schmacko that the crew is dangling reflected in the poor animal's eyes.

Sensational post - too bad you're not going to make SGB04!


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