Cosmic coiffure

Every now and then feng shui will rear its mystical head and threaten to make inroads into our beauty routines. The last time was in 2001 when Billy Yamaguchi of Spa Mystique became popular by applying feng shui and zen philosophies to hair. Suddenly feng shui was the buzzword of the moment, along with "holistic approach" and "total quality". Julia Roberts and Drew Barrymore had their nails done the feng shui way. There's even been a feng shui cosmetics line launched, including a Wealth and Power set which contains purple, gold and deep green eyeshadows. And all this time I thought Ru Paul had got rich and famous without any help.

Billy Yamaguchi is still going strong with 6 salons in California and he also has a book planned for the end of this year. What is the sound of one hand giving a US$250 feng shui haircut? Ka-ching! But Billy better look out for the rising star of Michael Motorcycle. His real name is Michael Kolar but he changed it after a "life-changing experience" involving an exploding waterbed, a motorcycle and a big guy who goes by the name of the Gimp. OK I made the Gimp part up but it's mostly true. Michael's celebrity clients include Jennifer Lopez, Jerry Hall and Iman. Now it's quite obvious to me that their hair isn't the source of their negative life-draining energies. All they have to do is spend less time with zombie corpses, the cryptkeepers and alien beings.

To many people, feng shui has an elusive mysticism that conjures up an image of a wise old Chinese man clutching a bagua mirror, surveying his surroundings with a studied calm and then solemnly intoning "wax on...wax off". The beauty of it is that you can use feng shui to explain virtually anything, and that can come in handy for hairstylists who never listen to their customers.

Customer 1: Why did you give me a mullet? I didn't ask for one.
Hair stylist: It's feng shui, man. You were drowning in your dominant element but now I have restored balance so you are now at harmony with the water.

Customer 2: OMFG, what have you done? Now I can't appear in court!
Hair stylist: Relax it's feng shui. I've just cropped the front to let your head to harness the positive energy from the sun more effectively. Forget about court, there is no higher judge than the heavens and with this new look they will surely smile upon and laugh at, I mean with, you.

In Hong Kong, feng shui may be important when moving homes and offices but we don't buy into feng shui principles when doing our hair. Instead we prefer to get our hair cut the fundamentalist way: